The Art of Rhysisms

Rhysisms [Reece Is-ums]: Stupid, no meaning sentances. Created by Rhys Wynne [Reece Win] for his blog, The Art of Rhysisms. [more..]

Runner up in the best tagline catagory of 2004 Bloggies

A Googlewhack for the words "Pocketable Tourniquets", which I created myself.

Support International Webloggers Day! July 9th, 2004
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Member of the New World Whore-der in the Liverpool University Ten Pin Bowling Club.

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Saturday, October 09, 2004

After two and a bit years of posting here, I've decided to close this blog down. One reason mainly: I just cannot be arsed posting every two weeks something that can be constewed as funny, and it's shown, as my latest entries have been utter shite.

Don't worry people, it's not the end of the world. One of the people I've inspired to blog - Potter - I believe had a good idea with his blogging: post regular updates every day, as opposed to huge stories every now again. So, the teacher had becomes the student, and I'm nicking his idea, and starting anew.

You see, it was gonna be a huge suprise, but some of you already found it. Nevertheless, I've dug up one of my older blogs - The Gospel According to Rhys - and tarted it up a bit. So, for the forseeable future, I'll be posting there. So it's not goodbye, but "see ya later". Unless you cannot be arsed updating your blogrolls, in which case you can go and fuck yourselves.

So, what should be the last thing I post on this blog (well, for the time being at least)? Simple - I'm known to whoring myself, and here goes:-

Right, that's your lot from here. Bugger off.

Keep the faith.


Thursday, September 30, 2004

There will be anymore beach volleyball!!!
Hello everybody! I'd love to say there's been a great reason for me not blogging, but the truth is that I haven't been arsed. Yep, I'm well and truly a student again! Cannot say I've been the most productive whilst I've been in Liverpool, but nevertheless I'm having fun. Knackered, but fun. Anyway, here's the excitement I've been having.

  • Last week was the party. Quite disturbingly, I voted to dust off my bra from Hull, and dress up once again as a school girl. Hell, I needed to make an impression with the freshers, and I needed to use it at least once more. Luckily the plan was successful, as I offered a "You can feel mine if I can feel yours" stipulation on my boobs (rolled up socks). You wouldn't believe how many times it worked.
  • Got up ridiculously early on Sunday (half 11) to try and recruit freshers to the bowling club. We got about 140 people interested, of which, 40 people turned up for the bowling day on Wednesday. Unfortunately, 0 people came for the social. Miserable bastards.
  • Apart from that, my life has been spent drinking, studying and playing Tiger Woods 2005. I'd love to say "I've been living the hedonistic life as a student" (which, I think I did say to Jake when he spoke to me online), but I really really havent.
  • Oh, we did get wireless in the house this week. That's pretty cool, if slightly disturbing that the hub er.....pulsates.
  • Want to know where the title comes from? Click here for the Cheat Commandos!
  • Right, certain people had been pestering me to blog, so I hope your happy with this. It was just a quickie to say I'm not dead. Yet.

    Keep the faith.


    Sunday, September 12, 2004

    Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, I have got a serious, Geek issue
    "Rhys!" They said, "You cannot have a girlfriend and Linux. It's unheard of! One or the other, you decide!".

    Guess which one I got?

    Yep, Linux.

    Okay, not quite that level. Yet.
    Red Hat to be exact.

    Yep, sorry to be a geek. But I had to get it. The Computer Science classes in uni was going so far over my head it was almost in orbit, talking about /root and -ll's and other technological bullcrap. So I thought, hell - I can't beat them (pity), so I'll join them. I'll join the guy with the ponytail covered in grease. The 21 year old with a beard you could get lost in, and the ULEPS ("University of Liverpool Extreme Programmers Society").

    Hell, my romantic life is used to it by now. It went downhill when I went to watch WWE, when I rejoined IRC. It can take one more blow for the team, I suppose.

    So is it worth it?

    Well, unsure. Been playing around with it for a bit, but it seems a little too airy fairy for me. Too much faffing around. Oooh, this is pretty. Does fuck all, but it's pretty. That kind of thing.

    Anyway, doesn't matter, because I'm dual booting.

    Incidentally, if there is any woman out there who is turned on by a man with a dual booting PC, let me know. Please.

    Other Random Shite
    As you can probably tell, either I've been ridiculously busy or couldn't be arsed updating. Well, it's (for once) the former. What with work and a few little side projects dominating my time. Unfortunately, I don't get paid to blog, and these side projects are slowly lowering my overdraft. So this site has taken a back seat. However, next Tuesday is my glorious return to Liverpool and - with the added bonus of a dual-booting system - I will be all about blogging. Why? My life will be more exciting. Here are a few things I want to do this year in university.

  • Curteosy of b3ta issue 150:-
    "ICE-CREAM TRICK - play ice-cream van jingles loudly in your car whilst driving through an estate, filming the resultant confused children who flock to the roadside."

    - b3ta Issue 150

    Is it only me who thinks this is a great idea?
  • We were talking about doing a mural to the legendary Karl Vain painted on our student house. Wouldn't mind getting that started.
  • Oh, and I really should do some work somewhere.
  • Anyway, think what I'm trying to say is that the updates for the forseeable future will be sparodic. Like you care.

    Keep the faith.


    Friday, September 03, 2004

    The Wanderers Return
    Again, my life seems to be stuck in a rut at the moment. So instead, some more random funnies and stories I've observed over the last few days.

    My sexy new phone!
  • I've bought a new mobile phone, a Nokia 3410. Regular readers would remember my old phone, a Nokia 3510i, bit silicon dust after the England vs. Wales game in the six nations. Nevertheless, I still managed to flog it on ebay. I so rule. Anyway, my phone is not quite upto the same standard as my old one (for one, no colour screen, or MMS capabilities, which suddenly became a major feature a few days back, what with Rick going to Leeds. Arses). Truth be told, it's just a stop gap before getting a new phone.

    Why am I telling you all this? Well, with new phone came sim card, which is now on eBay. Make me a rich man.

  • Speaking of eBay, I've become quite a sad eBay stalker. I've started getting usernames of friends and family, and seeing what they have been buying. I don't see anything wrong with this, au contraire, I see this as useful. For one, it avoids any potential embarrassing 'oooh, I've already got one of them' Christmas deals. It also is handy should I wish to borrow summit off me mates, which they've got. So, in the guilt of the world vs. Rhys Wynne, I'm innocent. Ebay stalking is - until further notice - not illegal.
  • Random phone call we got in the Welsh Mountain Zoo yesterday: "Hello, is that Aberdeen Football Club?". For those of you who are unaware, she (yes, she. You think a man'd mistake directions that much?) was this far out
  • DVD's I have been watching recently: Coupling. Basically, it's Friends but British. Which makes it cool, as I must be the only person on this planet who hates Friends. It's shite! I'm sorry, but when the 4 most used words on a sitcom are 'Like....oh my gawd!', it's not worth watching. Coupling is Friends done good.
  • It seems blogging is cool once again! Not only did yesterday herald the much waited return of Max, but - completely out of the blue - The Imperial Doughnut - returned. Excellent!
  • Finally, I'd like to make an apology to a Mr. Wayne Rooney. He is not - as I have said on many occasions - an ugly twat who is vastly overrated. He is a quality central midfielder/forward, and will go onto great things. May I wish him the best of luck at Manchester United.
  • Right, I've got quite a busy but exciting day today, so I'm off. More info about it soon. Aren't you lucky?

    Keep the faith.


    Thursday, August 26, 2004

    Back back back back....IT'S GOOD!*
    One of my favourite bits of web slang is 'killing kittens'. I use it regulary in knowledgeable circles. However, I wouldn't call myself a kitten killer (as in the sense of actually killing kittens, as opposed to the other meaning).

    Until today.

    Awwww bless.....
    Okay, I claim innocence and ignorance on this. I don't think I actually killed a kitten, and it's not my fault. Let me explain.

    Tonight was spent at my local pub, The Pen-Y-Bryn (yes, my local has a website....who said I live in a posh area?). After a few bevvies and talking about the sort of crap that can only be talked about over drinks (I'll explain this later). We headed home.

    For anybody not living in the good ol' Blighty, you would notice we're experience shite weather at the moment. Yes, it's been pissing it down in such a way I haven't heard owt about global warming for ages. Again, it was sheeting it down, and I made the decision that one makes when one is wearing a brand new top from Topman.

    I legged it.

    Yes, in a practically Olympian display, I ran as fast as my ugly, pale, Welsh legs could carry me. I had my eyes dead forward. Focussed on going home.

    Which caused a major problem. About 3 blocks away from the finish line of home sweet home, a ginger blur came into my peripheral vision. Unable to stop, I kicked it in such a way that Johnny Wilkinson would be proud of, and a large yelp was heard. A kitten scrawling yelp that has not been heard by my ears since I was four and I accidentally elbowdropped my Nans cat.

    I was sorry then, and I am sorry now. I would of stopped, but bollocks to that, it was raining cats (no pun intended) and dogs. So, if you are reading this three doors down (the house, not the American Soft Rock Band), I am truly, truly sorry. It's not my fault. Please don't sue.

    Fact of Life
    A distinct lack of social life over the past half week has caused me to do some thinking. Yeah, I know it's bad for me, but here's some things I've noticed: -
  • Would a slinky on an escalator count as perpetual motion?
  • If people are so hung up about their weight, why are there scales in the middle of Boots?
  • Incidentally, who actually goes into Boots and thinks "mmm, I really want to know my weight!"?
  • I've been addicted to Yahoo Chat recently (yeah, I know I appear about 15 now). But I have actually met some people who aren't complete dickheads (always a bonus). But, with the wonders of internet chat and other forms of communication, why are you always more impressed when you are speaking to someone who lives down the end of your road compared to someone in Greenland?
  • Okay, not much constructive thinking, but still thinking nonetheless. My life is boring at the moment. I'll resort to wiping out the Colwyn Bay cat population by kicking them.

    RSPCA, arrest me now.

    Keep the faith.


    * Wow, a shitty American Football referenced title. Aren't I multicultral?

    Sunday, August 22, 2004

    Where's Daley Thompson?
    As my ego has been taking a hiding this past week (from STEP Merseyside Champion to burger flipper in around 6 days), so sorry for lack of updates. Also I've been drinking quite heavily, and watching the Olympics.

    Ah yes, the 'lympics (as can be shortened to) is the pinnacle of sporting activity. Patrioticism, the fact that Team GB are not completely shite this time around, seeing the French cry, beach volleyball. There are many reasons why I love the Olympics. However, more important than all this is that there is nirvana - 24 hours sport coverage.

    First, an insight into the male psyche. Men are naturally competitive, and what is better than actually competiting in a football/rugby/cricket/drinking competition, than watching another competition? So, although I am not generally a lazy person, I could quite happily sit in front of the TV for days on end faking an interest in....say....fencing. However, here are a list of sports that are...well, actually pretty ace.

    Beach Volleyball: Like Porn, at 10am
    Three Day Eventing
    Fuck me, why is it so compelling? First of all: Dressage. Why are they giving an Olympic gold in...well...looking pretty? Christ, if there was a human equivalent, I'd be Olympic champion now. You may think 'bad start', and you'd be right. However the Cross Country is fantastic. I have no idea why. Maybe the funny shaped fences of windmills, maybe the water jumps, maybe the chance of seeing Jean-Pierre Frenchman have a meeting with solid log curteosy of Mr. Gravity and Mrs. Frenchy Ineptude, but it's good.

    Show jumping's okay as well. But man, it aint no Cross Country.

    Fuck tennis, we're shite at that. However, we're decent at badminton, and I enjoy to play it now and again. However I've never really watched it on telly. Now that I have, it's bloody good fun to watch. Kinda bit like table tennis, but more movement. Bonus!

    Beach Volleyball
    For obvious resons.

    So, whilst the Olympics are on (and whilst Britain are doing so brilliantly), updates may be a bit spazmodic. Hell, you're used to it by now.

    Fantasy Football Update
    The Art Of Rhysisms All Star Superleague continues, but early runner Jake has dropped to second, with late comer "La Resistance" taking the league. See, you can still win now we're two weeks in, JOIN NOW!!!!

    Although he did better than me, and also is my supervisor, and going to Carling Leeds Festival, and on £1 an hour more than me, I'd just like to say congrats to my brother, who got 2 A's (Maths and Further Maths) and 2 B's (Chemistry and General Studies*) in his A-Levels. Complements will not be nescessary.

    Keep the faith.


    * Yes, I'm quite aware nobody counts General Studies. Least of all me, with my pathetic D. Morals my ass.

    Wednesday, August 18, 2004

    Big, fat, hairy, sweaty.....
    ...bollocks. Seems like I'm "Chronologically Inept" by tagline and nature, as Monday's post went up on Friday night, meaning my triumphant return fizzled out quicker that a opening a flat bottle of coke. Oh well, I'll take this opportunity to talk about some exciting points in my life and once again pimp THE ART OF RHYSISMS FANTASY FOOTBALL SUPERLEAGUE! For more details on how to join, click here, but for those who are faily saavy on t'internet, here's the main details:-

    Group ID: 13533
    Password: blog
    Are you American and no sod all about proper football? Well, Jake will freely admit he doesn't know his Luther Blisset's from his blisters, and would you Adam and Eve it, he's winning the league at the moment.

    The fucker.

    I'm a Wynne-er!*
    As the last six weeks would explain, I've been busy working a job at this lot making a CD-ROM and this website. Now that it is finished, was it worth it?

    Look! That's me that is!
    Damn right it was.

    You see, as it wasn't technically a job (it was part of the STEP training program). So we had to do a report and a presentation on top of the work we did. I didn't mind, as we got a free day out in Everton, with the best presentation winning a little bit of money and progress to the regional final.

    Guess who won?

    Me mum was dead chuffed, if slightly confused (she works in a bank):-

    "Hi mum, you still paying in cheques?"
    "Yes, why?"
    "Just want you to pay in my winners cheque."
    "Okay, just give me your account number."

    [Long Silence, mum breaks it]

    "Well, it will go through tomorrow. If that's okay."
    "Yes, just wondering if you wouldn't mind filling in the forms to pay in my winners cheque, nudge nudge, wink wink."
    "Oh right! Yeah, um, well done. Sorry about that!"
    She was smiling on the inside I bet.

    Anyway, I met lots of interesting people, gained tons of experience and slowly clearing (not gone yet) my overdraft during my eight weeks on the STEP programme. It's definitely been worth it, even if it had meant sacrificing my blog.


    Keep the faith.


    * I'm truly, truly sorry....

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    This site is (C) Rhys Wynne 2002. All copyrights are registered trademarks of their respective owners. I cannot be responsible for any of my software not working on anybody else's computer, and any actions carried out by third parties as a result of anything read on this site. Everything written on this blog is true. However, all these events are recalled from memory, and some of the events may have been altered by my mind or alcohol. So some experiences (usually the ones involving drink) are exaggerated.

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