The Art of Rhysisms

Rhysisms [Reece Is-ums]: Stupid, no meaning sentances. Created by Rhys Wynne [Reece Win] for his blog, The Art of Rhysisms. [more..]

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A Googlewhack for the words "Pocketable Tourniquets", which I created myself.

Support International Webloggers Day! July 9th, 2004
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Member of the New World Whore-der in the Liverpool University Ten Pin Bowling Club.

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Saturday, May 31, 2003

2hr update
Note to self: Never, ever under any circumstances talk about my arse in a blog ever again. It works for Jenifer Lopez, because her arse is nice. It works for Rikishi because his arse...well..isn't. Mine's sorta in the middle, and therefore not good topic for conversation. Unless you really want to, and in that case, I'd advise you to see help.

Oh, and in my lucky 15's, I won a grand total£1.78. This time next year Rodney, we'll be millionaires!

I've actually spent most of my day in sorta rehab. After spending nearly enough all of yesterday on my back, and my leg being a bit stiff still, I've been trying to walk a bit more, as when I woke up this morning, my legs were a bit unsure of themselves, kinda like that bit in Bambi, where the fawn tries and stands up. I was Bambi this morning, albeit a fatter, two legged slightly hungover version. Anyway, I'm now much more sure of my footing now, and I can still feel my hamstring. Nevertheless, I'm taking the next few days a bit slow.

Finally, the sun's gone in here, but it's still pretty hot, so I bought a Magnum (ice cream...not a gun). Utter bliss on a stick.

Keep the faith


Oh What A Night
As hinted in the last post, yesterday I was very, very delicate. On Thursday night, I went out and got absolutely waylaid. I cannot remember just how much I drank that night. It was too much, anyway.

Actually, I can remember what happened. For the first time in too long, I pulled. She was short, fake ginner and dressed like a policewoman. However, more luck was in this individual that night, as, like buses, I'd waited ages to pull, and now two came along at once. Yes, I pulled another bird. She was taller than me, brown hair with blonde streaks, but the most disturbing thing was that she was orange. It was like pulling a bottle of tango. Admittedly, both were not the sort of women who I'd consider having a lasting relationship with (I didn't even get their names, I arrived, worked my Welsh charm, pulled, then rode off into the sunset, I'm such a stud*), and they weren't particularly attractive. But beggars can't be choosers, can they?

I can see e-mails coming through in a few days from people who know me personally (I'm thinking the Colwyn Bay Crew, more than Uni mates, as they've already grilled me about it) who would say something like "You? Pulled twice? You couldn't even pull your hamstring!". Well, funny you should say that...

Jennifer Lopez: God forbid the day she gets piles.
Friday afternoon, I woke up, and immediately spoke to a bunch of my mates who were outside my door:-
"Hey Rhys, how was your night?"
"Oh, brilliant. The only problem is now."
"Why's that?"
"Well. My head's throbbing, my mouth tastes like vomit, and for some strange reason, my arse is really, really sore."
Most of yesterday afternoon was spent retracing my steps. I mean, why is my arse so sore? Did anything untoward happen on Thursday night? I managed to retrace my steps to about 1:40am, and I don't think that any dodgy violation happened. I've also ruled out hemorrhoids, thank god. The only explination I could possibly give was that, as well as pulling two birds, I also pulled my hamstring. This was confirmed, as I put some deep heat on it, and the pain went away for a bit.

However, I haven't really been 100% fit (until this morning, where I've been okay), and spent most of yesterday numbing my arse by sitting on a past sell by date bag of frozen peas, that seems to remain in our fridge for that very purpose.

The weather today: SCORCHIO!
Today will probably constitute a trip to the bookies, as I won a bit of money on my lucky 15's, followed by a trip down to town, as I need to pick up some shorts, as the weather recently has been - as Andreas Johnson once sang - glorious. I've only one pair of shorts, and I've worn them for about 3 days. Also, they're very short shorts, as they expose my tree trunk whiter shade of pale lovely legs of mine. Some longer ones from Topman would probably do the trick.

Keep the faith


* yeah right

Friday, May 30, 2003

And you tell yourself, what you want to hear, cos you have to believe, this'll be my year
30th May 2002. The world was hyped over one event: the start of the first FIFA World Cup in Asia. In Colwyn Bay, another huge event was happening. The last day of the "Class of 02" in Eirias High School. For many of them, it was the last day ever in education. Not however for some, who go onto various universities. One pupil, a fat yet strangely attractive Welshman by the name of Rhys Wynne, had got a bit bored of programming, and wanted a new challenge. After reading an article in Computer Active about keeping an online diary, he decided that he'd take his shot glass worth of creative writing (from the days that he was the technology editor of the School Newspaper), and start a blog..

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Today my blog is one year old. It's hard to believe that the unfunny, boring writer of just one year ago was actually me. Nevertheless, beside two weeks in the middle of July where, really, I couldn't be arsed, I have blogged for a whole year. Not quite daily yet, because some days I'm not really up to it, mainly when I've been in work and all my creative juices have been drained, but at least once every two days.

The thing is, this is actually my second blog. The first one was linked to a few months back, and I cannot be arsed finding it again. Look through the archives, there are some gems of posts in there. Nevertheless, I feel that I've established myself in the blogsphere as not only a not actually half bad for an engineering student writer, but a genuinely interesting person (at least I hope).

This is coming from someone who lives by the motto "I cannot be arsed". Okay, 9 times out of 10 I cannot be arsed continuing an online persuit for more than 2 weeks. However, I dunno what it is about blogging. Maybe I feel I owe it to someone out there, maybe I do it for myself. Nevertheless, baby, I'm a blogging freaking dynamo.

Which is a problem. I had to blog today, dispite the fact that last night ended up with me being a bit tender. Boy, these things drive a hard bargain. Oh well, it's the price you pay for an ounce of fame.

So, what will the next year hold? Well, my guess is 12 months and 365.25 days.

Thanks to everybody who finds this web service waster actually witty, informative, or bloddy good. And I guess I should thank everybody who makes this blog work (besides me. Basically, all the birds I pull, friends, and just sometimes the sheer stupidity of some people).

Right, where's the cake?

Keep the faith


Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Girl. I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar
Okay, weekend events brought to you from the inextinguishable wit of yours truly.

Or not, you see, my life at the moment hasn't been exciting. Okay, we watched Wolverhampton Wanderers (AKA Alroit skip! 'Ows it 'ahngin captin pustic!) re-enter the Premiership, bringing the total of midlands teams in the Prem to er....3. Same as last season.

I don't want the traine to go to Slough, I wannit to go fast!

Last night was the jubilous return to the scenes of Kareoke. As a staunch fan to the greatest team in the world ever, I sang "We are The Champions" to the largely Indifferent Arsenal fans. I also sung "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling. Again, relatively indifferent crowd.

My moment to shine was in pool last night, where I pulled off a trick shot that would make old John Virgo cry and admit defeat. I'd love to explain it in every single intricate detail. However, they do say "Pictures speak 1000 Words":-

Get In! (for bigger version, click here)

I'd love to say that I carried on to win the agame, and was carried out on people's shoulders....but I can't. I ended up losing the game quite spectacularly. Nevertheless, losers will always be remembered. Isn't that right Jemini?

The fabled Smithdown Ten is in doubt today, due to the fact that we, well, can't be arsed really.

New Strong Bad E-mail, second funnist thing I've seen this week.

Funniest thing I've seen this week.

Song of the Moment - Jason Mraz: The Remedy (No, that isn't a typo on his second name. Nice song, shame about the surname).

Sorry this post is a bit bitty, but my life is pretty boring at the moment. Haven't been upto much, sort of half thinking about starting a new blog ("The Gospel According To Rhys", or something like that). Tomorrow night I am going out, and Friday is actually my first year since I started blogging. Get in! This weekend will have some pretty good posts (if I'm not hungover, which is a distinct possibility).

Keep the faith


Monday, May 26, 2003

Waiting For Tomorrow
Today I have been boning models.

No seriously, I have. Read on.

It's been one of those days that everybody has adopted the teachings from the "Rhys Wynne's Cannot Be Arsed" School of Living. Except me. You see, my untypical soberity of a Sunday morning meant that, dispite being woken at about 2:30am when all those who decided to miss Eurovision History In The Making and go and get pissed returned from The Time Tunnel, I was wide awake at 11am this morning. A time, on a Sunday, I barely knew existed. After an hour half long breakfast, I was left for 5 hours where I had sod all to do.

This, is where the boning of models comes in.

Milkshape. Will improve your boning no end.
You see, despite not having the tools to make a 3D game yet, I've been toying around with a modelling package making models (although, admittedly, I've mainly been adding to the Counter Strike models. Y'know, extra arms, legs, breasts etc.). However, in order to carry out 3D animation, the models need a skeleton (so nothing untoward happens, and you can rotate areas of the body without recreating the model a few hundred odd times). To put this skeleton in is to "Bone" a model. Boy, computer animators, you snooker loopy nuts are we.

After tea (a lovely steak and chips. Why, since everybody has left, has the food been actually not half bad? Okay, not Egon Ronay standards just yet, but certainly edible.), and a massive session on Championship Manager, I decided to go on a stroll. On this stroll, nonetheless at the bottom of my stairs, was a very posh bag advertising a festival of some sorts in London. Curious, I looked in the bag, and on top was a pamph..pamf...brochure about the festival. I found out that the festival was actually a porno festival, and beneth the brochure was a pile of pornography that'd make your average pimps' eyes water. It is that bad. Now, students of a certain Ms. Shagwell would testify, porn is a bugger to get rid off, and seeing as it was there, bottom of my stairs, it was a bad thing. This was made worse when you consider that my mother, in under two weeks, would be ascending that stairway, and may just glimmer into the swanky red and white bag. I know I had to get rid of it.

Well, I said "I had to get rid of it", it seems like, 3 hours later than the bag has appeared, it has gone.

Who's got it? Well, seeing as I cannot resist a good flutter, I'm already taking bets. Unfortunately, I've emerged as the favourite, despite the fact I swore repeatedly on my new computer's life that I have nothing to do with it. That wouldn't satisfy some people. Nevertheless, the great porn mystery is put on hold, and I'm hoping, forever.

Uh huh, those are scallops. There is a difference.
I have a new favourite food: Scollops. Scollops are essential student living, and along the same level of disgustingness-when-you-think-about-it as kebabs. You see, there potatoes soaked in batter for god knows how long. Nevertheless, the actual potato is a little thin on the ground, so you're usually just left with batter. I know it sounds disgusting, but, by god, it can be tasty.

I must admit - last night I wimped out on my friends. After 24, they wanted to watch every single episode of Das Boot, which was being showed on Channel 4. However, I'd never seen an episode before, and all I know about it was that line in Phoenix Nights "I wanted't Matrix Fruit Machine, and all ye send me with was t'Das bloody Boot one! Bung it in the Paradise Suite.". Anyway, at about midnight, listening to local late night chat programs on the wireless, I just couldn't keep awake for a second longer, and fell asleep. Das Boot would of finished at 5am, and I don't think I would of lasted.

I've been tired a lot recently, I'm yawning right now as I write this (although I think is due to my room being incredibly humid more than me actually being tired). Probably because I refuse to drink coffee. I bloody hate the stuff. Now, all I need to do is watch the weight, and cut down on the alcohol, and I'd be a picture of perfect youth.

But really, give up burgers and beer? Yeah right.

Keep the Faith


Sunday, May 25, 2003

Le Royame-Uni, nul points
Last night, as I couldn't be arsed going out, I watched The Eurovision Song Contest with a few friends. It's the first time I watched it for a good few years, as Saturday usually meant for me going out and getting pissed. However, as I woke up really early and didn't get much sleep the night before, getting pissed seemed like such a chore, as I was so knackered.

For those of you who don't know: The Eurovision Song Contest is all about various countries coming together and singing a song, then voting for what's the best. Sounds like a good idea in theory? Yes, it makes entertainment. However, one massive problem is most of the European countries are as bent as a boomerang, voting for countries who they are friends with, and not for those that are enemies. As we've gone against Europe a couple of times, guess how we did?

Bloody bent judges...
Yep, the whole of Europe got together and kicked our collective songwriting arse, and we got a big fat 0 points.

What made it worse was that I was tempted to put a bet on the Turks (who won it) at 18-1! I mean, I know it's easy to say that now, but I read somewhere that they had a good shot. To me that's like a nap in the Post. So I'm slightly gutted about that.

Anyway, I've decided to emmigrate to somewhere once I finish my exams, as, I think, the old Brits have a raw deal when it come to women. Come on guys, when have you ever seen a minging Swede (bar Urika Johnson, and Freddie Ljungberg, and the blokes from ABBA)? Also, the women from the balkan states aren't without there charm, and the women from the other side from the Iron Curtain have potential. Boys, I reckon we got the short end of the stick, with women who seemingly do sod all except go "Out on't razz!", emmigrate in droves (including the diamonds in the rough, as there are some nice Brit birds, (eg. all Brit Blogging Birds, and generally all the women I hang around with), and leave the common as muck scally birds behind, as well as some of the ugly scally blokes, and create a Utopia in somewhere like Denmark. I'm sure they'd appreciate us there.

Okay, rant over. Bet you can see why I haven't pulled in a while and never had a girlfriend now!

Nothing really else to say. Eurovision - shit, watched half a film last night (think it were called "Queen of the Damned") - shit. However, I did have a good night, as I spent the night speaking to all my mates and stuff like that. So that were pretty cool.

Lifehouse: Rock/Pop on!
Finally, me, Graham and Fay (a rarity in our group of lads - A woman. Graham's girlfriend, who would probably be part of my Utopic society mentioned above, who pesters me a lot saying "why haven't I been mentioned?". Well, Fay, I have now, leave me alone!) have sorta decided to go and see Lifehouse in Manchester Uni in early September. I'm a big fan of American Pop/Rock, as it's a hell of a lot better than UK mainstream music. Of course, I thought I was the only one who thought that UK pop music was crap.

But now, the rest of Europe has confirmed this for us.

Keep the Faith


Friday, May 23, 2003

The XPerience
As stated last week sometime (I cannot be arsed to find the permalink for it, so just take my word for it), I have a new computer back home. A very swanky AMD AthlonXP 2 Gig, 256MB RAM, and a few other bits and pieces. One of these bits is Windows XP, which I have been a little apprehensive in using. I mean, I was still on WIndows 95 this time two days ago, and 95 is thought was where I'd stay.

Yeah right.

My Current Desktop - For a biggie, Cliciau Yma
In a move to displease Linux fans all around the world: I quite like Windows XP. It's so sexy that if it was human, it'd probably be me. There are so many little touches that make it good (Media Player has, just about, taken over Winamp; paint can now support *.jpg and *.gif; y'know, the usual crap.). I also haven't managed to crash it yet. This makes this time period the longest time without a computer crashing in the history of the world, ever.

One problem regarding Media Player, which maybe Ms. Microsoft could pass on to her peers a little later on: It automatically searches for album covers for songs, which is nice. And I've nearly got a full set. However, one album cover, Babylon Zoo - The Boy With The X-Ray Eyes (don't knock it!) is alluding me. Sort it out!

There is only one major niggle with the PC: It sounds like I'm in a freaking wind tunnel. Admittedly, we did fit more fans and heatsinks than you could shake a stick at, as with the last computer, the processor burnt out 3 times in 3 years, and the motherboard burnt out twice. So, whilst inside is as cold as the average summer on the North Wales coast, it does make as much noise as some of the resident slaggy women, that are indeed a commonplace in the clubs on the North Wales coast*.

Today, I got a text message on my "almost as sexy as me" mobile off a friend of mine saying that, for some reason, Panacea's website is now no longer our Panacea, but some other band called Panacea. To be honest, I'm still to know what happened, but I'm slowly getting to the bottom of the great website hijack. To still see the current page, go to Cheers.

Finally, Big Brother 4 starts tonight. I'll be, like every sane man, woman and child in the nation, and leaving the lonely obsessives of the family (and there are at least two of them) vegetating in front of the telly, and buggering off down the pub.

Keep the faith


Thursday, May 22, 2003

The French Language is the best. To curse in French is divine, like wiping your arse with silk
Now Roland, I know you've seen the movie, so if that isn't in your quoty box within the week, then I'm coming around your house and beating you with a stick, as that is by far the greatest quote in any movie. Ever.

Ooof in the face!
Yep, last night, before nearly all the country (which is nice, gives me such a sense of power), I saw The Matrix Reloaded. I've heard a lot of people say a lot of things about it. Infinitely sexy, lovely, intelligent and righteous people said "It's brilliant!", whereas people who really don't seem to matter said "It's rubbish!". As not being one to shut up, here's my view.

I do believe in my heart it's up there with the first. The first 20 minutes is nothing that you haven't already seen before, and it is a bit week. However, bear with it, as soon as our old pal Neo picks up a pole (that's as in a metal rod, not that he went to a bar and pulled a bird from Eastern Europe), let the "Oooh, y'know, I'm so much harder this time around." commence.

Yep, the pole scene is the old fight scenes taken to the extreme, but the car scene is by far the greatest car chase ever in cinema. Without a shadow of doubt. There are some confusing bits, there are some bits you wish weren't there (do we really need to see Keanu Reeve's arse?), there are bits that are a little slow (first 20 minutes), and there are some bits that even the untrained eye (I was watching it with Alex - An Archeological buddy of mine, hardly ever sits in front of a computer) could see were computer generated. However, it is a good film. Don't expect the world, don't expect The Matrix, and you'll be a fan.

Couple of things about the film:-

  • What are fan's of The Matrix movies called? I suppose a good name for them would be "Matricies" (maths joke there).
  • If you can, watch "The Final Flight Of the Osaris" Animatrix, before seeing the film, it does explain a bit in the film, which completely passes me by.
  • Sit through the end credits, you get a little bit about the next film, which is nice.
  • And, one fact that I loved about the film was that I was reading the credits (for the trailer), there was a stunt double called "Avril Wynne". Seriously. Is it a sign for a future multi-million-selling Teen Punk Rock Princess? Boy, I seriously hope so.
  • Does anybody else see the likeness between Agent Smith and Sephiroth from FF7? (I know it spoils a little of the film by saying that, as he died in the last one, dispite the fact he's appeared in the trailers, and the five documentary).The reasons are highlighted below, so highlight if you want to see it. It's not really a spoiler, but it does explain in some capacity his role.
    Both were originally part of the system (Agent Smith was in the Mainframe, Sephiroth was a member of Shin-Ra) but both left in auspicious (and inexplained) circumstances. They both don't care about either side (the way Agent Smith kills Agents and form his own, Sephiroth kills Aeris and Shin-Ra President), but want to cement their legacy by simply destroying everything (Agent Smith will probably battle Neo right at the end of the next film, after the Matrix has been destroyed*, whilst Sephiroth faces a solitary Cloud at the end, in the Northern Cave).
  • Really, that's pretty much all I want to say about the film. I don't want to spoil it for anybody (except maybe Richard, as I'm sadistic like that, but that will come when I see him later today), but go and see it, you will be suitably impressed.

    Keep the faith


    One of many Matricies

    *I don't know this for certain, I'm throwing ideas on the table.

    Wednesday, May 21, 2003

    Okay, compare these two nights out, and try to guess which one I preferred best, in a feature we call...err..."Compare Rhys' last two nights out, and try to guess which one I preferred best."

    Monday: Went out to Double Vision, got hounded by..ahem.."the bad sort of easy women", felt uncomfortable all night. Didn't get pissed.

    T'is maz'in what you can do with computer 'n access t'internet
    Tuesday: Went to local student pub. Drank a fair bit, played pool, went on a few machines, Greenday was on the jukebox, watched the greatest program in ages - Phoenix Nights and generally just had a great time.
    Yeah, last night was just hanging in a pub with a few mates, and just had a really great time. No I didn't pull, or do anything out of the ordinary, but it was such a good night, I really didn't care.

    Last night, due to the amount of alcohol that was in my system, meant I did lie in bed for ages before going to sleep. However, whilst asleep, I was thinking about a game I'm making at the moment (Provisional Title: Atlantris) and a problem I had with it. Suddenly, I had a flash of inspiration, and woke up, exclaiming "THE BOY'S A FUCKING GENIUS!". Ten minutes later, I had completed my Blitz Basic problem, and ready to return to the land of nod.

    Or, rather not.

    Einstein: The boy's a fucking genius!
    You see, I live opposite a big whackoff school. On the school is an alarm that sounds like an air raid siren. Last night, at two in the morning, it went off. First thing to do was to shut the window. It was there that I looked to the left and saw, for the first time, the girl who lives next door to me. I can't remember her name (I think it were summit like Melanie), and we spoke for all of 5 minutes, and all I can remember about the conversation is the following:-
    Mel: "So you live next door then?"
    Rhys: "Yeah."
    Mel: "You get woken by that siren?"
    Rhys: "Nah I was kinda awake anyway."
    Mel: "You alone?"
    Rhys: [bit shocked] "Yeah...why do you ask?"
    Mel: "Oh, no reason, I heard you shout ''The boy's a fucking genius!'' about 20 minutes ago, and I thought you were with someone. Y'know, a guy. You're not gay, right?"
    Rhys: "No."
    Note to Self: When realising programming feats, keep them to yourself.

    Finally, after re-registering for next year today, I'm going to see The Matrix Reloaded this evening. I can hardly wait.

    UPDATE: Couple of links:- Firstly, curtosy of Fun Junkie: The Pull-o-meter! Yep, you can find out just how likely you are to get laid the next time you go out. I scored 75%, with the following written about me:-

    Right - what have got here, It appears as if you need to relax a bit more. Enjoy yourself, indulge a little - just be yourself. You play it straight which is often the best way, but to really catch the eye you might need to push the boat out and add a little pzazz to your style!
    That is so scarily true it's unbelievable. Anyway, check out the rest of the site, gives loads of info about, y'know, the usual. The best thing was a survey which says 'Virginity is the new black.'. I've only got one thing to say about that - GET IN!

    And, quite frankly this is officially the coolest t-shirt in the world. Ever.

    Keep the faith


    Tuesday, May 20, 2003

    Out of My Depth
    First and foremost:-

    Internet + + Debit Card + Alcohol + Conformation E-mail from my brother that the widescreen TV has a SCART SOCKET = Bad Idea
    Oh well, worse things happen at sea.

    Ian Thorpe: Will be beaten at the next Olympic games thanks to your's truly...
    After nearly about 5 weeks of sitting on my arse, today was the first time I've been to the sports centre. The reason being is that, whilst watching Indiana Jones last night, with the bit where one of the bad guys takes out that bloke's heart, someone made a passing comment "Oh, they wouldn't want you're ticker Rhys, it's in a bit of bad nick.". Probably as a joke, but it kinda bothered me (you know like those bits on the TV where someone gets smacked in the bollocks, and you kinda feel the same pain, dispite actually not having any pain. Well, kinda like that, except I'm sorta convincing myself I have angina, or summit). Nevertheless, I reckon I should do a little more, as I've become a bit lazy at the moment: with exams on, I just haven't been arsed.

    Nevertheless, I haven't actually lost any of my shot glass worth of natural athletic ability, as I wasn't dire. So I thought I'd try that step machine. Bloody hell, that's knackering. I could only manage about 10 minutes on there.

    Oh, and I went swimming as well. Our pool is 40 metres long. One time, I swam 10 metres breaststroke, 10 metres backstroke, 10 metres butterfly and finally 10 metres crawl. As this was the last time I went along the pool, I got out, exposing my tight trunks to the world. "Wow", a couple of lovely ladies said, who watched feats in the swimming pool, "that's a very impressive length.".

    Boom boom.

    In all seriousness, I did actually go swimming today, and swam a few lengths at least, in order to combat my self induced mental angina.

    In other News
    Last night I also went out, what a fucking barrel of laughs that was. One of my mates decided to start on everybody, almost getting himself laid out a few times as well. That's all I really want to say about that. The good thing to come out of last night was that I've actually got one more week at university than I originally thought. I thought I was leaving a week today, I'm actually going a fortnight today. Which is nice.

    Have you seen my wife? The Luv-ly Debbie McGee!
    In other fantastic news is that I've managed to blag tickets for tomorrow's Liverpool premiere of The Matrix Reloaded. As it's the Liverpool premiere, there is a small chance that D List Celeb's might show their face. Whether or not it'll be people like Wayne Rooney, Duncan Ferguson, Bruno Cheyrou, half the cast of Hollyoaks, Atomic Kittens, or the legend formally known as Paul Daniels is tricky to see, but it would be nice if a couple of them showed their faces. I mean, I've a feeling that Cheyrou is a closet Matrix fan. He's gotta be. I mean, who isn't?

    New Strong Bad E-Mail. Go CGNU!

    I took Cyn's test. I seem to be a husky. Which is nice. I guess.

    I got my first search for The Fabled Smithdown 10. Lovely!

    Oh, and a bloke named A.J. wrote some kind words about this site and linked to yours truly. So I guess it's only fair to return the favour. Eventually.

    More random crap if (and when) I think about it.

    Keep the Faith


    Saturday, May 17, 2003

    Money In The Bank
    Oh my god, Atomic Kitten were amazing,

    Yeah right...but more on them later.

    Yesterday was "Ladies Night": Although none compared to any of these, who were at Aintree for the Grand National.
    The reason I paid £8 to enter Aintree was that I was treated to six races. The meeting was also Ladies Night, which, for sexually and intelligently inept people, means that there are Ladies there. From our vantage point with a pair of binoculars, there was potential. However, the effort was not. This meant that a lot of potenially attractive but ugly women were dressed very slagly. Whereas the odd few that were dressed okay weren't without their charm.

    So, now comes the bit that my Mum is itching to read, so she can give me a lecture down the phone later today: did I make any money? Well, I came out down for the day. Well, when I mean down, I mean I began the day with £50 on me, after train, entry, three pints, a KFC, a Kebab and a Kit Kat Chunky, not to mention over £10 worth of bets, I ended up with £40. All in all, I won money in 5 out of the 6 races, nailing me and "Team RAB" (as we were known. As minimum bets were oft £5, this were two much for some of us, so we formed "Team RAB" - Rhys, Alex and [Graham] Bruce. We each put £10 in and split the winnings at the end) each about £12.20. Personally as well, I put £8 worth of bets on, and won back about £17. This meant, that I was up about £11.20.

    But wait, it doesn't stop there. Earlier in the bookies, I put on, what I dubbed, "Insurance Bets". Basically, all the bets that I liked, but didn't think my other team members would. There was £7 worth there, but I've won £8 back. So, that means, overall, I'm up £12.20. So, I only paid £10 for an evenings entertainment, and the Atomic Kittens.

    Atomic Kitten (again): Pants.
    Ah, yes, the Kittens. One of my mates shares a relationship with the Kittens like Gerard Houllier shares a relationship with Bruno Cheyrou - nobody knows why he likes them so much, as everybody sees the fault with them, but he does, and unfortunately, nobody can change that*. They came on, mimed to 3 songs, did a handful of dance moves that wouldn't make Luciano Pavarotti sweat, faked an encore more than a punch on Neighbours:-
    [Incredibly sickly scouse accent]

    One of them, presumably 'Tasha':"Ta-ra 'poole, see ya soon...."
    Another one of them: "Wait Tash-er, I think someone wants anuva one!"

    [The is the most accurate description ever, as there must be only one person cheering]

    Tasha: "Okay, one more, for the fans."

    [Again, sole-cheering, but this has been drowned out with 'GET YER TITS OUT!']

    The third one of them: "Okay, how about we do this one."

    [They start singing 'Whole Again', the only Atomic Kitten song anybody actually knows that is not a cover.]

    Then buggered off. Probably twenty grand better off.

    Actually, I'm only going on the fact that they were Atomic Kitten. They were so far away from our point that they could of been anybody. My theory that they weren't goes something like this:-

    My Theory that Atomic Kitten weren't Atomic Kitten
    By Rhys Wynne
    You see, as if I was to win Rear of the Year (again), then I'd love to show my arse off. All of them were wearing clothes so baggy that they make the clothes I wear seem like a tight fit.
    Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the matter. An opportunity missed to a male strong crowd. Oh yes.

    Actually they were Atomic Kitten (who incidentally, whilst annoying, on a purely pletonic point of view, are actually very attractive), this said mate was right at the front, with another one of my mates. I asked the Non-Atomic-Kitten-Fan- Who-Was-At-The-Front mate of mine what he thought of it, and were they actually the Kitten (or, as they were known for not going out in the rain "The Pussies").

    "Yeah, it was the Pussies alright. Performance was a zero, but, they made it up in Artistic Impression"

    Keep the Faith


    * Incidentally, visit Max's site to vote on the player of the season. If you don't want to vote for Ruud Van Nistlerooy (you're mad), vote for Jay Jay Okatcha. For, as they say on Soccer AM: "Jay Jay Okatcha, so good, they named him twice!"

    Friday, May 16, 2003

    Something to Talk About
    Or, in my case, not. You see, nothing interesting has happened within the last 12 hours (mostly because I've been asleep) that merits talking about on this blog. So I'll tell you what I'm doing today in a feature we call...err...."What I'm Doing Today":-

    Toight I'm going to probably lose a packet as I'm heading off to Aintree, home of the Greatest Steeplechase Ever. However, unfortunately, we are in flat season, so no jumps. Bugger.

    Atomic Kitten: You can mate my hole again, or whatever they sing....
    However, speaking about horses, tomorrow we also get the added 'bonus' of "Liverpool's Finest" Atomic Kitten to serenade us as soon as the last race is over. Lucky us. If, even a week ago, you would of said that "y'know what Rhys, when you leave after your first year of University you would of seen not only the good JJ72, the orgasmic fantastic Feeder and the brilliant Placebo, but also the absolutely crap as crap can be Atomic Kitten." then I probably would of kicked your ass then given you a Chinese burn. Nevertheless, I'm going. Oh well, you gotta take the rough with the smooth, as they say. Whilst I'm not doing backflips over seeing them, I suppose they're a bit of eye candy, although their inseccent whining would put me off faster than a knob (hee hee) of butter in hell.

    Back to horses. I am actually quite scared that I'll lose a packet. I'm not a hardened gambler, y'see, and putting on more than £1 on a horse is very, very rare for me, and certainly no more than £3. However, I've heard stories that there'll be a minimum bet of £5 at the course. Oh deary deary me. The only thing to think of is for two of us to put on £2.50 bets each, and split the winnings. That's probably the best idea. There is a horse that is 1/7 on to win, so that's probably worth putting on about £7 on. Doubt I will though.

    Aside from that, there's pretty much sod all going on this weekend. Probably go to Time Tunnel on Saturday, as that is very cheap. But apart from that, nothing really to special to shout about.

    Back home, they've have got a new computer as well. A 2Gig, XP, technological monster. As the only individual with even an ounce of technical knowledge, I usually get first go on all machines, be it to "set everything up", or to "test" my brother's Christmas presents. However, as I'm nigh on 50 miles away in Liverpool, my brother gets that dubious opportunity. As many of you XP-phillies may know, you have to set an administrator who, basically, controls all the others with an iron fist like quality. As (arguebly) both the most democratic and most technically superior individual in the family, I usually get this honour. However, as I wasn't present at the computer inoguration, someone else gets that honour. I am praying that it's not Richard, as, when he's in charge, there'll be less surveillance on Osama Bin Laden than on the rest of us. At least with Mum, I can bullshit my way to admin priviledges.

    I'm also having a bad hair day. Admittedly, 90% of the time I just have bad hair. But today it's really bad. Oh well, as D-Ream once sang "things can only get better."

    Keep the faith


    Thursday, May 15, 2003

    Eat Me
    I freely admit, I'm bloody awful when it comes to money. It's quite amazing, whilst my Dad has a reputation of being a Scrooge (in the nicest possible way), I am quite frivelous. Not stupid into stuffing £10 notes into a cheap nasty birds G-String, but £5 anyway. Normally any money I have goes on my stomach, into my liver, in my head as "did you really need a fondue set Rhys?" consious thoughts, or onto a three legged horse that even I could outpace over 50 meters.

    Y'know, as I write this I actually want a beer. NOW!
    "Oh great.", I hear you say, "we've got a frevilous playboy throwing away his student loan. MY TAXES!". On the contrary. You see, it's all part of the "Admission is a step to recovery.". I know how crap I am with money, and therefore carry around as little as possible. All 20p's go into a medium sized novelty Budweiser bottle, in the hope that all the money in it would buy be 24 normal-real-deal-with-the-contents- intact Budweister bottles. I usually take out to bars crumpled up fivers and tenners rather than my wallet. And, thanks to my lazy nature, I usually forsake another drink with the boys as 9 times out of 10 I just cannot be arsed walking to the cash machine. The only problem is that the occasional quid charge for using those ATM machines in clubs. Still, there cannot be no further problems.

    You see, the one problem with carry about no physical money is that, well, you don't carry about no physical money. Should your card get stuck in the hole in the wall, then you are in deep shit.

    Guess what happened to me today?

    Yep, in the middle of the city centre, on one of those ATM machines (which didn't charge), it got stuck in. I had no money on me to hop on a bus back to halls, get one of my mates to bail me out, and get a train ticket home. I was screwed right in the centre of Liverpool.

    Or so I thought. You see, those ATM machines seemingly take a life of their own. My card spurted out about twenty seconds later, no questions asked. Maybe it's was a precautionary measure, like those Pop-a-ball arcade games, when instead of landing in the gaping holes, you actually land on one of the uprights. Should any other card get stuck in there, then the machine throws it out with, really, as much force as a small child.

    I wish there was some dramatic ending involving some sexy female security guard, and we waited 24 hours inside the centre, sharing life stories. Then, at midnight, the machine took a life of it's own, and kidnapped the security guard. Then I rescued it with the help of Rogue from the X- Men flick. She then realised that I resisted her powers, and fell hopelessly in love with me, as did the security guard (just for good measure). The End. It's a mini adventure.

    Keep the Faith


    Have A Nice Day!
    About a week ago I watched "Braveheart". To the best of my knowledge, there was a bit where William Wallace (Mel Gibson with a suprisingly good Scotsman accent) is talking to Robert The Bruce - who, in the film, is portrayed as a coward, which to a mate of mine (who's second name is actually 'Bruce', no wonder he stood up for him) said is complete bullshit - about Robert's plan to sell out to the English, rather than fight them. Wallace replies with the following:-

    Mel Gibson in Braveheart: Famous for his massive sword.
    "Sure, you may have freedom. But what's freedom with nobody else to enjoy it"
    Now movie buffs will come back saying "you lie Rhys, he never said that", but it's something like that. Anyway, the point is, freedom, for the time, isn't all it's cracked up to be.

    Sure, I'm happy having sod all to do, but as our course was the first to finish (besides the Law department), then nobody wants to do anything. I literally see the majority of people in a half hour stint at breakfast, hour stint for lunch, hour stint for 6 O Clock BBC2 viewing*, then maybe 2 hour stint for a football game in the evening. Out of the average 16 hours awake, I spend about 11 and a half hours on my todd, trying to keep myself amused. Friday will be the day, when Business Studies + Subsidaries - what most of my mates do - will be over.

    So, how do I fill the time? Actually, the one thing I don't do, which suprises even me, is that I don't spend time in front of the computer. Sure, I have it on, but only because of the music. I probably spend at most 2 hours actually doing something on a computer and most the time, it's not the one I'm currently writing this.

    Yep, although some of you may have already worked out, I'm a bit of a fraud when it comes to blogging. Usually I just type things the night before, sleep on it, and return to it in the morning when I've sobered up, and correct all the errors + the things I can be sued for. That last sentance took 10 hours, just to prove a point. I very rarely post things of the top of me noggin. So sue me.

    Mick Foley as "Mankind". You try explaining to those who've never seen wrestling what that sock's all about.
    Anyway, what did I do yesterday? Well, after winning about £15 at the bookies, I bought "Foley is Good", the second book by Wrestler turned Author Mick Foley. I read "Have A Nice Day" a few years back, and it's probably one of my favourite books ever. I must of read about 200 pages of Foley is Good last night, and another 100 already this morning, and it's quite different than the first one. It's more of a shot on the media, justice and the PTC (long time WWE/F enimies), rather than him getting hit over the noggin with chairs. Whilst I would love to read about each chair shot in all it's glory, it's still a good book. I would recommend it to anybody, but, to be quite honest, if you took a dump in a bucket, slapped a WWE official licence on it, and sold it for £4.99, I'd probably still buy it. It's kinda the same relationship with Roland and Star Wars. However, I know what I like, and this is a hell of a book. Especially for someone who couldn't be arsed reading anything else.

    Oh, and I also bought some shampoo as well, as I'm getting a bit of dandruff as well. Which is quite scary. So, I'll nip it in the bud before I turn into a human snow scene

    Keep the Faith


    *This refers to the telly between the hours 6 and 7. Usually filled with The Simpsons, Buffy, Fresh Prince of Bell Air, Farscape, Top Of The Pops 2 or Robot Wars. And makes good viewing. Especially Buffy last week, as there was a lesbian kiss between that ginner one from American Pie and some random blond bird. It truly was a thing of beauty.

    Wednesday, May 14, 2003

    I'm free, to do whatever I, whatever I like if it's wrong or right it's all right
    From today onwards, as many of you already know, I've got no work until September. Well, none that I give a damn about. Yesterday was the Dull Data Structures & Intolerable Information Systems exam, and I should of been alright.

    You see, I had already got 15% in the coursework, and I recieved an email about a week back saying that there is an online test, and it's "advised" you take it. I took it this morning. Boy, am I glad I did! All the questions on that test came up, complete and unbridged. This totalled about 25% of the exam, so 40% overall. A pass. Couple that with the law of averages that I should of got at least 12% more percent in the rest (it were multiple choice, thank god), bringing the total to about 52%. Of course, if they take a mark you down for getting a wrong answer, then I'm fucked. However, they can't do that. Can they?

    AC Milan are through to the final of the Champions League **cough** undeservedly **cough**
    Since the exam has been a mixture of bar and bed. Mostly bed really, just sleeping. No reason, but as I've paid for the room, I might as well get as much out of it as possible. Watched a bit of the AC/Inter game as well. Nothing really spectacular happened.

    One thing I did learn that, waiting for me at home, is a brand spanking new PC. Athlon XP 2 GHtz, 256k RAM, Geforce 2 Graphics Card, 40 GB HD (which is something else, as I'm never used to more than 4 GB. 40 GB is like all the porn on the internet, ever), Windows XP and a few other bits and pieces to further advance the multimedia revolution. I may have to take a few weeks just to get aquainted to my new piece of kit.

    I am not alone. There is at least one other blogger in this university. How do I know? Well, I saw them blogging in the computer room in my halls. I'm not sure if it's a he or a she (as the person had long hair, mullet-esque), but she was blogging on what us have been trained to call the enemy. Anyway, I don't know quite what to make of it, I mean I'm 95% sure that whoever this bloke/bird is, it's a hell of a lot better than this one (even if some people disagree) . Anyway, more info on this person (who will, for the time being, be named "Blogging Betty", just for the hell of it.

    Coldplay, would play at Blogstock. I hope
    This got me thinking (yeah I know, big suprise) that wouldn't it be cool if there was like an event for like minded bloggers to meet somewhere? I've already thought of a name of it and patented it: Blogstock. And we'd get cool acts like Coldplay to play on a whackoff massive stage in the middle of Snowdonia (it'll be held in Snowdonia, as I organised it, it has to be near me, doesn't it?), and not so cool acts like Daphne + Celeste to be targets for bottles of piss. Anyway, moving on:-

    Question: Who would you most like to meet in the flesh (and when I mean flesh, I mean in person, not in the buff)? I know who I'd least like to meet: Katie. Not because she'd be like mean or bitchy or moody (as she isn't). Just that I can see us having a massive arguement about who's wittier:-

    Welsh Bloke Formally Known As Rhys: You're wittier!
    American Bird Formally Known As Katie: No. YOU'RE wittier!
    I can see it now on Jerry Springer: "Stop calling my literary work brilliant! Oh, and I slept with your ex's dog as well!"

    Now if that isn't a ratings winner, then by god, I don't know what is.

    Keep the Faith


    Tuesday, May 13, 2003

    The white flag is out. This, is the final lap
    In approximately 7 hours from now, I will have finished my first year of University. It's bloody scary. Standing between here and two weeks of sex, drugs, beer and gambling nirvana is Data Structures, quite possibly the most boring thing ever in the history of the world. I probably have revised enough to pass, but not enough to get stunning marks. I need about 25%, after two great pieces of coursework, to pass and never have to look over Multiplicity constraints again.

    Mark Williams. Now, you think his bird goes for his looks? Or his £250,000 prize money per tourney?
    Anyway, enough about exams. Last night I went to the local bar with a couple of mates of mine. The purpose? To decide just who is the better at pool. We played first to 7, and put about £10 down on the pool table. In the first game, I achieved something that I've never achieved before.

    I 7 Balled someone.

    For those of you who think this is some kind of orgy with 4 blokes, with one being monotesticular, let me explain. 7 Balling someone is the term given for when you pot all 7 of your balls + the black with the opponant not potting one of theirs. Usually you'll have to do it in one break, as it gets harder once there are less of your balls on the table. I did it last night in one said sitting, resulting in the comment "They'll be dancing on the streets of Merthyr Tydfill tonight!". The Kid from Colwyn Bay did good, emulating Mark Williams a few weeks ago.

    Unfortunately, we ended up losing 7-4.

    Lords of Midnight: Those were the days. None of your fancy crap those days.
    After coming back from the chippy (which we went to after going to the bar), I sat down with an old Spectrum Emulator and played one of the best games ever: Lords Of Midnight. It's quite a wierd game to explain: the game takes you commanding 4 soldiers who have to build an army together to fight an evil lord. Only one of your men is unexpendable (the one with the moonstone/ring/sheep/summit or other, as this protects him from the Ice Fear, a devistating attack that slowly cripples your men). It's technically an RPG, although you control it with the keys, rather than typing out "N", "E", "PICK", "DROP" etc. It takes ages to get into (I played it for about 40 minutes, got nowhere), and with no save, you have to complete it in one sitting. However, it's quite a thorough game once you get into it. It's probably got more in common with Lord of the Rings than most of the official games have. Anyway, if you play it on an emulator, do so, as it's well worth it. It's quite amazing how they managed to fit all the source onto a lowly 48K Spectrum, and without it being a "multiload" (shudders at the word).

    Keep the faith


    Monday, May 12, 2003

    Because I'm Worth It
    As Tammy Wynette sang in Stand By Your Man - "Sometimes, it's hard to be a woman". That's debatable really. Whilst I'm not like belittling childbirth (as I haven't had any experience of the the sort, nor I ever will) or PMT (the amount you go on about it, it's as good as us getting it), there are some pitfalls for us blokes. One of which is self pride.

    Ooh, that'sch a nische bit. Nische and schalty.
    You see, I needed some of the worlds most unblokey toiletaries today: moisturiser. Yes, I get major dry skin akin to Goldmember, big whoop. It is quite an essential purchase for me as, although I'd look fantastic without it, it's nice to give the people what they want, and that is a fully moist me.

    This is where the problem lies, usually I ask my mother to get me some, and she does. As I haven't got a girlfriend for me to nick her moisturiser, I had to pluck up the courage, go to a reputable pharmacutical outlet, and buy some men's moisturiser.

    Or so I thought.

    You see, major men's toiletaries have the market cornered on moisturiser. Sure, there's plenty about, but realising that blokes won't go for the cheaper womens option, they hike up the price by about £20 per thimblefull. It plays on you machoism, and how manly you are. Buy a shot glass worth of manly moisturiser for 4-grand, or a pint glass of chick mosituriser, that does exactly the same thing for £3. Make your mind up.

    As a student, already ravaged by debt, my mind was already made up for me.

    Ooh, secret message type situation
    Blokes: buy a bottle coloured this colour and your blokiness will suffer!
    As quickly as I could, I picked up the blokiest bottle of "women's moisturising lotion" (see, blokes never call it "lotion". Not quite sure what we call it, but I bet my arse it's not "lotion"). The bottle is purple, actually, more lilac (what? It's better than pink), with a semi- naked woman drawn on it. After about 10 minutes of looking at the bottle, and making sure that my friends/local media were nowhere to be seen, I plucked up the courage to pay for it.

    It came to about £3, which is fairly reasonable. The bottle has been covered with black blokey masking tape* (all except the lid), and "BLOKEY STUFF" written on the front in tippex. It works like a charm. I may look like a poof in boots, but by god, it's a hell of a lot cheaper than most things.

    It's funny. Last night, Dave the Cat (A hallmate of mine who complains to me morning, noon and night that he never gets a mention on this blog. Well, there you go!) commented that "In university you're supposed to find your feminine side".

    Well, today, I probably came close. Will I swap my football for facepacks? I sincerely hope not.

    Keep the faith


    *I actually don't know why I've got masking tape in my room....oh well

    I cannot believe it
    I haven't done one of these in ages, so lets break the trend, with the colourfully titled "Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?". Where do they get the ideas?

    I am Nothing!

    Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

    Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
    Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons

    Lets be honest lads, there was not real suprise now, was there?

    Incidentally, this time tomorrow, I will have finished my last exam. I cannot wait...

    Keep the faith


    Sunday, May 11, 2003

    And now, the end is here, and we face, the final curtain.
    It's a sad day for us all. It's the day that millions of men the length and breadth of the country turn to each other and say "Well. What the hell do we do now?". Yep, today was the last day of the football season.


    Lots of things were decided today. Who was relegated from the Premiership? That honour went to West Ham, after results didn't go their way. Could Manchester United win convincingly? Oh yes. But the question on everybody's lips was "Who will enter the Champions League?".

    Y'know what, I actually feel sorry for Liverpool. Not for Gerrard mind....
    The answer to that was Chelsea, who beat Liverpool 2-1 at Stamford Bridge. For those of you who think "Oh, here we go, cocky Man U fan giving us grief.". No. I was watching the game as a near enough neutral. Both teams worked hard. Le Saux had a stormer. And for once, I saw the pain in Liverpool's common man, when Houllier signalled to the referee he wants to bring on Bruno Cheyrou.

    Cheyrou eh? What a fucking player he is. He has only one fan on these shores, and that's a mate of mine ("I luv 'im. I luv Shay-roo."), and it's obvious to see why. I can play better. Well, maybe not, but you get my drift.

    Anyway, I watched the game in a pub in suburbrial Liverpool. My god, you could cut the tension sort of tension cutting knife thingy. It was that tense. There were a handful of Chelsea fans, and they sat with "Evertonian's and associates" end of the pub. We decided to sit there (we fancied their chances if it all kicked off), and watch the game in relative silence, watching the Liverpudlians going through more emotions than drama school.

    In other news
    I'm back in University after a weekend at home. The only noticable event of the weekend was that, rather unspectacularly, my computer died about Sunday teatime. This has meant I've lived 24 hours without access to a computer, and I'm actually quite suprised how much I rely on these things. It's quite wierd, not being able to check my e- mails, or read blogs, or check the naps, or speak to mates or such. Oh well, as I always say "I can live without a TV, but not without the internet.". Yeah, I'm a geek, big whoop.

    Anyway, I think the power supply has gone on it, the reason being that it was on one minute, then off the next. Okay, it may seem obvious, but if it was something like the processor or the motherboard, the PC would still switch on. Now, it doesn't. (I've had processor failure, they're quite scary actually).

    Off my PC at home, I've taken my microphone to university. Now, once when my exams are finished, I will, as you all wanted, do a audiopost pissed. I'm doing the "Smithdown Ten" (ten pubs along a road called Smithdown Road, a few drinks in each) in a few weeks. If I am not plastered after that, then I'm joining The X Men as 'Soberor', the man who cannot get drunk. Quite what purpose I'd serve I have no idea, but I'm sure someone will think of something.

    Keep the faith


    Saturday, May 10, 2003

    Hello? Can you hear me? Am I getting through to you?
    Today was my Audio Electronics exam, a whopping age of a 3 hour exam. I mean, when exams last longer than the average movie, you worry. Luckily it wasn't too taxing (despite the fact that I messed up on my resistor levels, and I just couldn't do any of about 3 (out of 25, so I can be forgiven) of the questions), and I did get out a bit early on the account that my wrist hurt. It doesn't get nearly enough exercise.

    As a last minute decision, I've decided to head home for the weekend, as to further advance my bank balance, and indeed also my Final Fantasy X gaming. However, a nice little suprise was waiting for me at home: Street Fighter Alpha 3 for the GBA and Monty Python's Life of Brian on DVD. After much celebration involving me putting my used clothes in the washing machine, I preceded to achieve the impossible, that is: to play on my GBA whilst simultaneously watching my DVD player. It didn't work, as I recieved a kicking from Blanka, as well as losing all idea of plot halfway through the "People's front of Judea" scene on Python.

    Hi, I'm Johnny Knocksville, and this is standing completely still.
    One Day Later:
    Yeah, I got watching MTV, both music and Jackass. Also I got watching Have I Got News For You. My god, Charlotte Church was abysmal as guest presenter! I'm allowed to rip her as she's both richer and younger than myself, but she was terrible. I mean, usually you cannot tell that all the jokes are scripted, but she read them like she was reading her reading book at GCSE English. No doubt that sent the battle for Welsh supremacy back a few years. I reckon I'd be a good host. I mean, I'm witty, fabulously attractive and have TV Experience. Actually, scratch the last one. Well, not unless you count being interviewed by HTV Wales about 10 years ago, and having my Donkey Kong Pinball appear on German Cable TV, officially the only time that people have been glued to German Cable. Well, not counting the porn that's always on there. Not that I know all about, oh no.

    Finally, for those of you who are interested. Buy the "Forget About Tomorrow" DVD and make it number 1. Why the DVD? Well, not only do you get the single, as well as a 40 minute documentary from the fabulous Feeder tour, you also get the added bonus that you get a photo gallery, with my brother's photo in it. Needless to say, it caused much excitement from us lot, as we had sod all knowledge of my brother's wheelings and dealings. As such, it looks like the Know My Brother project may soon, finally, achieve it's goal....

    Keep the Faith


    Thursday, May 08, 2003

    Rhys Wynne travel Co.
    Today I sat the "Software Development - In Progress" exam. Why they included the "In Progress" bit I have no idea, however it was probably the most irrelevant exam I've ever sat.

    Well, that's what it seemed to me. The exam itself was fairly straightforward (what tag do you need to draw a Horizonal Line?), if a little tricky in places. However, some of it was all about colour schemes, and how the eye works. Other parts were about Law. Others were pretty philosophical. Others were just history. Yes, it was the Bombay Mix of the Computer And Multimedia Systems course.

    I left the exam hall about half hour before the end of the exam, and it was multiple choice. The funny thing was the quote at the beginning of the exam:-

    "Please mark the answer sheet in pencil. This is because the computer cannot read black or blue marks"
    Moral of the story: Never, ever trust a Computer Scientist to do important stuff. Leave the important stuff do computers built by Computer Engineers, whilst leaving the CS'ers to mess about with MySQL, or such like.

    I was going to put a picture here...but I couldn't be arsed.
    I had a funny phone call after the exam on the phone in my room. I remember like it was yesterday (probably because it was), and it went (summit) like this:-
    Rhysie Boy: [Little shocked, as I don't get many phone calls] "Hello?"
    Some Bird: Hiya. [Long, Uncomfortable Pause.] Is that Thomas Cook?
    RB: [Trying not to laugh] No, this is Liverpool University.
    SB: Oh, alright, sorry.
    After hanging the phone up, I honestly laughed out loud for about 15 minutes. I mean, Thomas bleeding Cook? Thomas bleeding travel agent Cook? I can barely afford a holiday for myself, let alone anybody else. Also, this is getting me worried: how close is my number too Tommy Cooks? Will I be getting any more wierd calls. One of my mates back home has a number similar to the pizza place in town, and he's taken 4 12- inches (ooerr), 3 garlic breads and a cup of coffee before now.

    The Guild are offering de-stress at times of revision. Normally, these are a pretty bog standard affair of counselling, or some smelly stuff. However, we get full blown masssages for free. I need a massage. They're one of those things that you think "Pfft, it's just getting yourself rubbed", but when you have a proper one (not a cheap one, or those offers for one you see on cards in phone boxes) it's really nice.

    Okay, I'm probably turning scarily bird-like now.

    Finally, I had a check up at the Student Health centre, and they said I had Athelete's Foot. I'm telling you this, as it is historic. As it's the first time that the words "Rhys Wynne" and "Athelete" have appeared in the same sentance. Ever.

    Keep the faith


    I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, and though you're still weith me, I've been alone all along.
    Okay lads, today has been a bit of a shopping trip. Not a "comfort yourself with buying crap" trip, nor a "Oh! I've got a buy a bloke something for his birthday, so I'll pick up a few things". More of a "Oh, I've just got my student loan and been paid, so I've got a couple of grand burning a hole in my pocket" shopping trip type situation. Really, I should of been revising, like all good people do*, but I couldn't be arsed.

    Evanescence: Quality album, but I bet NME hate it. They always do. Bastards.
    First, after a bit of grub at KFC (as it was approaching midday, and I missed breakfast), was HMV, where I purchased Evanescence's "Fallen". Admittedly on the strength of one song, that "Bring Me To Life", from that Daredevil flick. However, it was well worth the £9.89 (student discount, lovely!). From what I've heard of it so far (as I'm writing this, it's about halfway though the first listening) it's turning out to be pretty good. Quality tracks so far are the first single - "Bring Me To Life", the very meladolic and, I find, quite heartwrenching "My Immortal", "My Last Breath" and the orchestral "Whisper". Is it worth getting? Well, in Amy summit or other, they have not only a very powerful singer, but also a bit of eye candy - she does look pretty good, in a gothic kinda way. And, lets be honest, I'd rather look at her than looking at someone like Fred Durst acting like a cock. If you like something better than Linkin Park, and pianos, then most definitely get it, as it's melodic in places (something that Linkin Park is most certainly not), and emo-nu-metal in others.

    Eh! Calm Down lads! Or I'll get Kevin Keegan on ya!**
    One reputation surrounding Liverpool is that it's full of thieves - there's an old joke: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool? If it walked it'd get mugged. To be honest I totally disagree with it, as it's so undeserved, as I've felt more threatened in Colwyn Bay than in Liverpool well, as threatened as much as a 6'2", 14.5 stone can be. Anyway, today my safety in Liverpool was knocked down a couple of notches when some scally (y'know the sort, dressed like a walking advert for Tommy Hilfinger), with really far too much time on their hands try to scouse my wallet. They didn't get it (not like there was much in it anyway, I mean, 59p plus a winning bookies slip worth about £2.20), but it was slightly scary. Luckily a guy, who possibly could have me in a fight, grabbed the little bastard by the scruff of his neck, and busted his ass. Nevertheless, I did feel, for a time, scared. So in order to be safe I bought a brand spanking new wallet. Hell, I needed a new one after a button as completely bust on my old one, this just gave me an excuse. However, this wallet has also got a chain. The price for safety? £9. However, I had won £10 in a total fluke out of the gambler in Billy Hill, so it kinda paid for itself. Plus the chain looks cool as well.

    Right, I should do some revision, but I really cannot be arsed, so I'll probably post again later.

    *Good? Yeah right.

    **No shit but I used to have hair like that.

    Wednesday, May 07, 2003

    Badda badda badda badda bing!
    For those lucky enough to be on broadband, quite possibly the best website in the world. Ever (yes, even better than this one).

    Check out the following:-
    Natalie, 21, Burton (as it explains what "Schooboy Error" is all about)
    Ginette, 24, Manchester United (as she's got a funny boyfriend name)

    Keep the faith


    The Time Has Come To Stand United
    For those of you who are knowledgable about films, you'll think "Hmm...isn't that the tag line for the new X2 flick?". I say "yes". Last night, in Allerton Cinema, a cinema where my Mum once used to visit to watch Beatle movies, I took the lads out for a night of Super Hero Mutant Arse Kicking.

    Okay, first things first, when the adverts were finished, the cinema went black, and a green character fell down the screen, the whole cinema just suddenly said "ooooh yes", as this was the trailer for "The Matrix Reloaded" easily the most anticipated movie. In the world. Ever.

    The delicious Anna Paquin. Yeah, I have similar women taste to Ro, big whoop.
    Okay, as much as I hate agreeing, but easily the most attractive member of the cast by "about three lengths" (according to a horse racing mad friend of mine) was Anna Paquin, who played Rogue. As possibly the most clued up member of the lads on X-Men and X-Men related paraphenalia (read the comics for ages, got a number of the computer games, watched the cartoon), pretty much all of the questions were directed towards me about all the characters. Normally, they were usually "who's that?!" type of thing, but one of my more dirty minded mates had to ask the question:-
    "You Know Rogue?"
    "How does she like, y'know, please herself? I mean, if she touches anywhere, she gets that wierd electric shock so...."
    At which point I cut him off, I was shocked and appalled. I mean, X-Men is not a porno, and quite frankly I couldn't care less. However, the mate, a very good friend of mine needed to know, so, despite dragging the good name of Rogue through the gutter, I replied.
    "She's into that self mutilation scene, y'know."
    Forgive me, Oh Professor Charles Xavier.

    Dodgy questions aside, I loved the film. Despite being the only person in the world not to see the first one (Reason: Couldn't be arsed), I still caught most of it. There will probably be a third one due to things happenning. As long as the following are in it, I'm happy:-

    Gambit. Please?
    Omega Red
    Oh, and Spiral would be pretty cool as well.
    I think that would make the movie turbo cool.

    Johnny Vaughan. Just here to please the ladies, after all the talking about Rogue.
    Ha ha, I bet you were expecting a review of the film. Who do you think I am, Jonathan freaking Ross (officially the most un-blokiest bloke in the world ever). He does a better job of it than I ever can,as does Johnny Vaughan (officially the most blokiest bloke in the world ever) in the Sun

    In other News
    X-Men relating shenanegans aside, yesterday was also my first exam, in Microprocessors. As being born in the "Guinea Pig" year of 1984, meaning that we have had more exams than almost every other year, my exam technique is a thing of beauty, however, one eventuality occurred yesterday which I've yet to deal with.

    Nature called.

    Oh my god, the pain. The pain! I've had times when I've had to hold on (the worst being when I was in a 45 minute queue. I mean, I'm sure I did serious damage to my kidneys then). Anyway, I had to take my mind off it, and it was alright, as I worked bloody hard on my test, up until the final question.

    "How do you flush the memory in Assembler?"

    Today I've got "Software Development", quite possibly the most pointless exam ever. I mean, it's like "How do you write in bold text?", and "what is the purpose of the retina?". It's a bit like general knowledge, more than everything else. I don't mind general knowledge, if it's a pub quiz, rather than a test. Oh well, it's only an hour and a quarter test.

    Keep the Faith


    Tuesday, May 06, 2003

    Who do you think you are kidding Mr. Hitler.
    Normal service has been well and truly resumed! For the past three weeks I have been talking crap (as far as I'm concerned) and my wacky antics down at university have been pushed aside. Now it's most certainly not the case.

    My manly scar is not however as manly as snooker legend's Ken Doherty.
    Firstly, I was asked to go out last night to the boozer. Of course, being the sensible person that I am and having an exam the day after. I refused. Yeah, right. I was all set to go out, and I had a shave. Somehow, however, I cut myself shaving. Yes, not like under the chin, but about a centimetre below the eye. I mean, that's a schoolboy error! I mean, me. IQ of 135, sober as a judge, yet cut myself, in an area with about as much hair as a baby that has been waxed. Man, it's a barren place. Oh well, I've got a lovely scar underneath my eye, a nice, manly, action man-stylee scar. Pictures soon to follow.

    Anyway last night, I prepared for my exam by just going out, and having a few. Not nearly enough to get drunk, but a few. We (we being the fantastically named "Team Wynne") were also crowned Gauntlet Pool Champions. Lovely! The only slight bitch was that last night was a pub quiz on a variety of cartoons. It was piss easy ("Who is Hershel Krustofsky better known as?" Please.) and we probably would of won. However, we decided to make our own entertainment, in the only way we know.

    We created a concoxion known as the "Turbo Pint" (as far as I'm concerned, anything with the word 'turbo' in it is cool). In it was half a pint of lager, some tomato ketchup and half a dozen fag ends. £20 for the individual who drank it. Someone did. Not me, but one of my mates did. No respect for his body, but he is a man. And twenty notes richer man.

    Mr. Mannawring, permission to speak sir! Don't Panic!
    After a brief detour to the skanky chippy, to purchase a tender and succulent chip butty, (a mainstay of the British diet, and inceidentally one of the simplest and nicest meals you can have. Filling, healthy (ish), and cheap. No wonder it wasn't rationed during the war), we arrived back in a friends room back in halls. Afterwards the snooker finished, giving a victory to the legendary Mark Williams (finally a Welsh world champion), we watched an episode of Dad's Army, what is undoubtedly the funniest program in the world, ever. However, if this time last year you would of said "Rhys, when you hit university you will be witnessing pints been drunk with fag ends in them and watching Dad's Army. Don't even think about shagging, as you'll get nowhere near. Spend all your money down the bookies instead." I probably would of hit you in the face and called you a liar. However, I am so bloody happy that I am. Even if I do flunk my exams for one reason or t'other.

    New Strong Bad E-mail, which is really a fan's favourite, rather than a one off episode. Although a new character could be emerging in the form of "Hey Steve!" "I'll get you Hey Steve, if it's the last thing to do!". Also, The Cheat's flash is quality, and look scarily like mine.

    Curtosy of A Teenager Blogs, Max has managed to prove that Julia (or Yulia, depending on who you talk to) that is fitter than the ginner one. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Sibley!

    Quick joke for all you football fans out there, that was doing the rounds last night amongst our lot, in between drinking poisoned pints:-

    Q. "What did Glenn Hoddle and a whore got in common?"
    A. "They both prefer Seaman to Flowers.
    Boom boom*.

    Keep the faith


    * To understand this joke, you must know something about pre-1998 English football. Glenn Hoddle was the England manager, and refused to pick (arguably) the better goalkeeper at the time: Tim Flowers, instead plumping for David Seaman, who was not adverse to some clangers

    Monday, May 05, 2003

    Do You Think I'm Stupid?
    Then you are wrong. Last night, forsaking the X2 movie for The National IQ Test. I scored admirably. I won't say how much it is but if you consider 100 as being your average John Q. Public, then I am 35 points more intelligent than him. Okay, I guessed a handful, and test conditions weren't ideal, and it shouldn't be taken as a serious figure, or indeed if that means I'll be well paid in the future. However, saying that I'm within 100 points, striking distance, of old Steven Hawking, it's nice to know.

    Yep, I took it, but did anybody else do it? Did anybody do both of them? I did it the first time round and got a modest 116, although a lot of that was due to Richard annoying me (me and him were in direct competition you see, and we ended up equal. I did this in a friends room with 6 other people, and we just did it for fun). This proves that the £1000-odd that Conwy LEA are putting towards my University study is coming to good use, as my IQ has skied a whopping 29 points. For all you economists out there, thats £34.50 a point. Money well spent, methinks.

    Anyway, did anybody else take the test? If you are an American (or indeed, anywhere else in the world) you can take it on-line at You have to really have time on your own to do this, as you cannot do this on the fly. Anyway, it's just another way of me boasting this is. Please ignore me.

    I couldn't find any pictures of the movie, so you'll have to make do with the official game. Which was just as bad
    The other area of knowledge I managed to impress people with was my Street Fighter knowledge. Street Fighter: The God-Awful Movie was on last night, and not only could I name all the characters, but also how accurate to the game that character was (in 99% of the cases, nowhere in freaking earshot). Just thought I'd share that with everybody. Anyway, I hate the movie, it's not a patch on the Mortal Kombat or indeed Final Fantasy flicks (MK followed the story well, and FF was a good movie, dispite being not quite as strong as the game stories, although they take well over 40 hours of play time at least, so cramming that into 2 hours, you can be forgiven), and I was expecting big when it was released, guess I should of known better.

    Finally, my exams start on Tuesday. I feel I've probably put myself under even more pressure by announcing my IQ Test Results. Oh well, you'll live and learn.

    Keep the Faith


    Sunday, May 04, 2003

    We are the champions

    Never have I liked the Leeds Scum so much.

    To all you Arsenal Fans out there, may I just say, speaking as a Manchester United fan how utterly brilliant it is kicking your cocky cockney arses all over the shop, and walking away with the championship trophy, making us officially the greatest team in England, once again. Thanks to Leeds, who fought bravely and gallently to avoid relegation, and therefore doomed Arsenal to second prize. There is No Second Prize (well, except a spot in the Champions League, and a couple of million in prize money, but you get my drift).

    This picture brings me so much joy it's scary.

    Today, I arrived back in Liverpool, and I packed, in anticipation, my "Rhys Wynne's Official Manchester United Premier League Champions 2002/03 Celebration Kit". It contains the following:-

  • United Shirt
  • Airhorn
  • Inflatable Championship Trophy
  • Inflatable Sheep
  • Case of Lager
  • Rather large British beer belly.
  • Whilst I was pondering on the train just the question "How sensible is it to wear a United top in Liverpool City Centre?" I had a sudden change of thought. "Oh Shit! I've forgot me keys!" Whilst I drop my keys back in once we've finished a term, I needed those keys to unlock my cupboard, with all my stuff in it. Fearing that I'll be living for the next month with a pint of water, my mobile, half a pack of midget gems and the shirt on my back, I suddenly remembered: I'd left a key hidden in my room. Okay I'm in Liverpool, should a scally manage to get in my room and find the key, I'm a bit screwed, but I however prepared for these sort of situations. Remember children: Proper Preperation Prevents Piss Poor Performance. That certainly was the case here.

    Test your IQ, or how long you can put up with Anne Robinson?
    Tonight, I'll either do that IQ test thingy on the beeb, or watch X2. Whatever will happen, you can bet your arse that you'll hear the results of them here, soon (and the IQ test will be fair, without Rick screaming down my ear "It's fucking Fibbonacci's Sequence! Rhys, if you don't get this, then you're thick!", resorting in me not getting it.)

    To be honest, it's whether I can be arsed to get some cash to go to the cinema, as I'm flat broke. Well, save for about half a grand or so.

    Oh, and Rick keeps ringing me to play shite quality "Seven Nation Army" down the blower. I would tell him to shut up, but I can't.

    Keep the Faith

    Saturday, May 03, 2003

    Children Of the Atom
    Okay, half of this post is going to be a hybrid of geeky comic stuff and computer games, and half will be about not so geeky football stuff and my life. If you are not interested with ANY of this post, then what the hell are you doing here?

    Killer Instinct: Unlike 99% of the people who played this game, I could do an Ultra Combo, and I could also do the fatality where B. Orchid showed her knockers to the opponant, and they had a heart attack (B, B, F, F, LP if you're interested).
    Geeky Part
    Today, I purchased Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 for the Playstation 2 for the low, low price of £19. Brand spanking new! I mean, it's bloody hard to get a half decent game that isn't 20 years old for the PS2 at the moment. To get a game, that's cheap, fantastic and relatively new first hand is like goldust. I mean, it's £34.99 on my wishlist, and Amazon are supposed to be dirt cheap. Anyway, I had a word with the bloke behind the counter (in case you're wondering, it's "The Games Cabin" in Llandudno, a place I cannot reccommend enough for all you're gaming needs), and we sorta hit a retro spot on how games are crap nowadays, there's not nearly enough good beat-em-ups and Arcades (once a killing ground for myself, usually on Street Fighter, Killer Instinct or Mortal Kombat. The victims? Generally Bryn Elian students who thought they could take me. None of them ever did.) have become an awful place with smelly people and scallies bunking off school, who think they can make a living off gambling off fruit machines. Anyway, we must of talked for ages, just about past video games, and how it's gone all commercial, and how crap it is. Seriously, when I get a bit of money, I'm going to buy one of those MAME Cabinets, and set it up somewhere in my house. That'd be really cool.

    Anyway, the game itself is cool. It has about 50 characters in it, and is mad Capcom beat em ups. Sure, some of the characters are a bit stupid (Marrow? Give me Johnny The Human Torch any day of the week), and the music is absolutely abysmal (it's from the "Dramatic music? Give me Gospel Pop any day!" school of beat em up soundtrack composing), but apart from that, it's fantastic. Not the best Street Fighter out there (Street Fighter Alpha 3 gets that award), but still brilliant.

    Non Geeky Part

    Oi! Madrid! Your Not 'aving him!

    As S Club Juniors* once tortured us. "We're One Step Closer to Heaven, Baby.". Heaven, not in the pre-pubescent whiners is not a boy/girlfriend, but the Premiership title. A convincing (in the end) 4-1 win against Charlton put the pressure on the Arsenal Scum to get a result at battlers Leeds in order to still be in with a shot. I can see them dancing on the streets of Trafford, Manchester next Sunday Night.

    Recently, incase you're interested, I haven't been doing much. Today I went to Llandudno, and more importantly, the "Victorian Extraveganza". It's a 3-day-festival that clogs up most of Llandudno's main street with old cars, machinery etc., most of which that looks decidedly, shock horror, Victorian. Greenpeace would probably go spare to see the amount of fossil fuels burned over the weekend, as there are about 100 machines that don't seem to do much except run, and they run it over the course of the weekend, for seemingly no apparent reason. Probably to impress anyway. One thing they did have was a Victorian X-Box with Tony Hawk 4 running on it. To get a goodie bag, you had to get over 20,000 points. I got 19,940. BASTARDS!

    Ah well, no bad for a first go.

    Tomorrow I head back to uni for my exams this week and next. And then, as Feeder once sang, I'll be "Home For Summer".

    Keep the faith


    * Yes, I admit it, I searched for S Club Juniors' Website. I'm sad like that. But that's because I care. I care about my visitors, I care about this site, and I care about you.

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