The Art of Rhysisms

Rhysisms [Reece Is-ums]: Stupid, no meaning sentances. Created by Rhys Wynne [Reece Win] for his blog, The Art of Rhysisms. [more..]

Runner up in the best tagline catagory of 2004 Bloggies

A Googlewhack for the words "Pocketable Tourniquets", which I created myself.

Support International Webloggers Day! July 9th, 2004
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Member of the New World Whore-der in the Liverpool University Ten Pin Bowling Club.

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Sunday, February 29, 2004

Look, it's the 29th! How special!
Before you all say "Ooh Rhys, thanks for honouring you with out presence once again", I'm only blogging today for the sheer pathetic thrill of seeing "February 29th" on my title. I'm sad like that. As such, I really cannot be arsed to blog anything noteworthy, so I'll just do what substandard blogs do - link whore. Hey, we all have our off days.

Interesting Fact: The guy who did the voice for Zippy also did the voice for the Dalek's in Dr Who. See, I can be educational.
One Skin, Two Skin, Three Skin, Fo.....
First and foremost, from Jake's blog, is this. Basically, I grew up to Rainbow, I thought it was fantastic. This is a famous episode which was never aired because it was more laced with innuendo's than...well...this very site. It's a hefty download - the business end of 16MB - but it is so worth it. It had me screaming in laughter.

Oi! Stop Watching Me Piss!
From new linkie Oblog, is this mirrored toilet. How cool would that be to take a leak inside it (Home Bargains would never fear needing a wee in public again*)? I mean, it would be a little offputting, but - the obvious problem of splashback aside - it could be fun avoiding the bowl and pretending to pee on people you don't like....

Okay, I've said to much.

Still, it's a first for me: a piece of modern art I actually do like.

Raiden, this is Deepthroat...(pt 2)
After an absence of a long, long time (since April of last year, when Manchester United were still a recognised force in English Football...incidentally the same entry where ex blogger Katie "proposed" to me - it was probably a joke, but meh, I'll take it as real.**), I've been playing Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty a lot lately, and it's more confusing than Donnie Darko in Swahili. Sure, it's bloody fantastic, but it's not really a no brainer game. As I don't really have much experience playing games where you have to follow going on, it's been slow progress. Nevertheless, it's bloddy emotional (spoiler, highlight the next bit) I was in tears when Emma died, then laughed out loud when his brother admitted that he shagged his mum. Yes, it's just like Jerry Springer. Anyway, if you're free for a couple of days (or, in my case, not but cannot be arsed to work), I wholeheartedly reccommend it. It'll make you laugh (as mentioned above, and that one of the characters codename is originally 'Deepthroat' - as mentioned before), it'll make you cry (as mentioned above), it'll make you legitimately scared, and it'll make you shout "Rick, what's a Anti-Oxidising Nanomolecule?"***.

Right, I'm off to catch a train, tonight I've got an engagement party around at a friends house.

Christ, I feel like 35 saying that.

Keep the faith


*Private Joke this
**Oh, did you know today is the only day that women can propose to men? Well, as I've hit a bit of a dry patch, I'm open to offers.
***Assumming you've got a brother name Richard, who does chemistry****
****Incidentally, he didn't know. Tosser.

Saturday, February 28, 2004


Colwyn Bay, Tuesday, My Back Garden.

Yes, it snowed about 5 inches in Colwyn Bay yesterday, forcing every school in North Wales to shut. I mean, 5 inches is a lot (which is an arguement I hope to use with the ladies in the near future). Anyway, whilst I should of been arsing around in the snow, I was instead stuck in Liverpool, doing work.

That being said, last night it snowed a fair bit in Liverpool. We were in a bar and I just shouted in the most unmanly voice "It's snowing!" and proceeded to run outside (oh what liquid courage can do for you) and bask in it's powdery glow. I later had a snowball fight, and wrote "bollocks" across a windscreen in the white powder (don't worry, I didn't piss on it, just used my finger). After much sub-zero tomfoolery we went to the Kray.

Again At The Kray
I've become a little bit of a Krazyhouse-a-holic. I've wrote about it before in depth, but in my opinion it's the best night out in Liverpool. I've never ever had a bad night there. I've always said the reason being is that I stay on K2 all night (which is the indie room).

My, how wrong I was.

Against my usual indie nature, I spent most of the night up on K3, which is the cheesy room. Sure, I don't mind cheese, but with hardcore indie tracks blaring out downstairs, I would normally head to the musical nirvana of....errr.....Nirvana.

That being said, they played some of my favourite non indie music last night (Britney Spears' "Toxic"* and....errrmm...."Mysterious Girl"**) and I generally had a great night. I also drank a lot of Red Stripe, which is the Lambrini of the lager world in that it's cheap. Unlike Lambrini, Jamaica's finest lager tastes fantastic, and I drank a lot of it.

The night ended on K2 again, where I absolutely dicked all comers on Tekken 3 (which included a number of Perfects), and left at around three-ish, to a beautiful sea of white.

Yep, as Boyzone, Tom Jones and a few other people once sang: "Oh what a perfect day."

Keep the faith


* Keep your eyes on a rock mix that mixes Toxic with the guitar from a Muse song (think it's Plug In Baby). They played it on XFM (which I listen to on the internet) a few days ago, and it's fantastic.
** I'll explain: Peter Andre's finest hour will always be liked by me, as I had my first snog to that record, when on holiday when I was 15. So it has sentimental value for yours truly.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

As no doubt it's been on the News recently, both the AUT (university lecturers) and NUS (university students) are stiking tomorrow. Both for the same reason - AUT for not getting enough money and NUS for...errr...the amount we have to pay for Uni. Ermmm, well worked that one out.

Students? Protesting? Missing their education? Get outta here....
Hell, I'm not cynical. I'm all for more money going to both us and the lecturers, but I just cannot see students striking. I mean, we protest by staying away from university, and missing lectures. I'm sorry, but in my language, that's what is called a 'hangover'.

Truth be told, the beginnings of the strike were witnessed today, with a few people just saying "Bollocks to work, I can't be arsed with today." and slacking off. There wasn't that many people as I expected, as everybody seems in a big hoo hah over the strike. Today I saw 4 people striking. To me, that's like robbing a bank with a water pistol.

That being said, tomorrow is the biggun.

In all serious, I am actually against the strike, but I understand why people are waking up and standing outside the Guild on a cold Feburary morning. I'm lucky in that my mum and (with a little persuasion) my dad support me in every way possible. Anyway, I'm against the striks. Call me selfish, but I'm finding it hard to find someone to help with my Java assignment that's due in for Friday (ermmm...anybody know anything about threads?).

As for me? Well, I'll probably enjoy the scantity that my 9am being cancelled brings, and have a few extra minutes in bed, before trying do get strikes I do care about - down the bowling alley.

He thinks he's Jimmy White! That's because he is....
He shoots, He Scores!
If a few of you who have spoken to me over the past few days have recognised, I am really not feeling 100%. All but one of my lectures were cancelled yesterday, and if I was right as rain, I would of down Double Vision like a shot (a sighting of the girl mentioned in this post at last weeks events mean that I'm altogether interested again). However, Mother Nature laid the smackdown on my candy ass, and as a result, I barely could walk yesterday.

Well, I could, but I couldn't be arsed. Well, not until I got told to go down the pub, and then to play pool afterwards. It was in this game of pool where I nailed a fantastic shot.

We played 9 Ball Pool, which - for morons who don't know the rules - is won by potting the 9 ball either as the last ball, or by a plant involving the current ball in play (1, 2, 3, 4, etc.). It's nigh on impossible to win off the break, and anybody who does is a god.

Now, I'm sure you'll excuse me, as I've got to file my god-like status application.

Weeks Events
As previously mentioned, I've quite a lot of work on at the moment, and I need to get enough of it done before next Thursday (4th March), which is my 20th birthday (don't worry, I'm sure I'll remind you again), as pretty much for the three days surrounding it (and the 1st, which is St. David's Day), I will pretty much be hammered the whole time. Go me!

Keep the faith.


Saturday, February 21, 2004

Rhysisms: Week In Review
Been busy the past few days, here are the highlights of my quite active social life: -

  • I've spent a lot of time sitting in Kiss The Red: Passion Lounge (to give it it's full title) the past week, watching a variety of sporting events. For those who are unaware, Kiss The Red: Passion Lounge isn't a strip club, but a pool hall (dygeddit? Kiss The Red? Marketing writes itself). Anyway, despite having some mean pool tables, they also serve great food. I've had bits and bobs there over time, chips, burgers, fried chicken (which is gorgeous), pizzas and the like, and have always been impressed with the quality. So, I made a point to mention it to a mate of mine when in there.
    "Hey, this place does great food." I said, wolfing down my fried chicken.
    "Yeah. You know why, do you?"
    "They get it from the chippy down the road."
    My shock, was similar to that day I learnt how I was born (My exact quote that day when I was twelve was "They put what.....where?"). Suddenly, my logic kicked in, and it made sense: why it swam it grease, why you couldn't of held the onions, why the chicken burger had mayonnaise on it, and, more importantly, why there was a pizza called the "Hardman Chip Shop Special".

    My only question is that - can they do this? I mean, don't think anybody will complain. Sure, they make a small profit on my procrastination, and the chippy gets what they want, and I get my food.

    Guess it is all right then.

  • There you go. Looks as crap on screen as it did begin to in real life.
    Finally took a picture of my tattoo, I've also washed it off as well, as it began to itch, and the brilliant blue of the feathers became a dodgy navy. Scotland cheers.
  • After it being mentioned on both Roland's and Max's blog, I took the plunge and downloaded Snow Patrol's cover of BeyoncĂ©'s "Crazy In Love", and once the novelty wore off, I can say that it is rubbish.

    I tried to like it. Honest. However, whilst I've heard some great Snow Patrol covers (on this site), this was the worst of the lot. Come back Beyoncé, all is well and truly forgiven.

    My picks for quality downloads from that website?: "What Can I Do?" and "The Blowers Daughter". The latter of which was performed by the excellent Damien Rice*.

  • My brother came up over the week to spend some quality time with yours truly, and also to see the Lost Prophets (who themeselves have covered Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River", and it is stunning - well worth searching for it). Anyway, on Wednesday, after integrating him quite successfully with the bowling club, he decided he wanted to go out.


    You see, it's a unwritten rule that on Wednesday (unless there are birthdays) the bowling club head to the Razz. It is another unwritten rule that myself - as the Anti-Razz (due to the fact that I don't like the music, or walking around in piss) - head off home. My brother, who had been in Liverpool for less than 24 hours, was threatening to unbalence the Karma of the bowling club.

    We arrived at the Razz, and I handed my brother an old student card I have. The bouncer - who was pissed out of his face (which shouldn't be allowed) - saw me. Brilliant.

    "You must think I'm bloody stupid?"
    "Sod off, you're not getting in.". I was fighting a battle I didn't want to win.
    "Okay.". With about as much sadness as a 15 year old touching his first breast.
    I would be lying if I didn't walk with slight spring in my step. You see, not only have I dodged a bullet. But the fact that the Razz - where I've seen drunkeness, drug abuse**, violence, vomiting, open urination, open sexual acts, gambling, flashing, and mafia dealings*** go on inside those four walls, they wont allow a certain Welsh blogger to complain about the place from the inside.

    Which, in a way, I am kind of a proud of.

    Keep the faith


    * Who himself covered Radiohead's "Creep", and it is stunning (even if my mum prefers the original). God, I'm full of information on cover songs. Dermot O'Leary will be pleased.
    ** Okay, this is probably not true.
    *** And this is definitely not true. Well. I hope it isn't.

  • Thursday, February 19, 2004

    The Battle of Britain

    Berti Vogts! Kenny Dalglish! Carlisle McTwat! Carol Smilie...can you hear me? Carol Smilie! William Wallace! That bloke who won Big Brother! Paul Dickov! James I! Ally McCoist! Billy Connolly! Guy McGechan's family! The druggies of trainspotter! Hamish McBeth! Ewan McGregor....Did you see that? Your boys took one hell of a beating!!!!! A hell of a beating....


    Keep the faith.


    Tuesday, February 17, 2004

    I Tried To Give You Up, But I'm Addicted...
    Although I drink, gamble and (unfortunately) used to smoke, I was never dependant on any of these. These simply make my life just a little bit more enjoyable. I don't have an addict-like personality. However, two things I have become almost drug-like to me in the past two weeks, and, in a week that saw former (now thankfully on the wagon) addict Eddie Guerrero win the big one at No Way Out, I've decided to admit these two things.

    Woah ho ho oh ho, constapated girl.....
    Like Peter Andre, I have washboard abs. Okay, maybe not, but to those who saw him on "I'm A Celebrity....", you will know that he is obsessed with hugs. "Hey, it's gonna be a hard day..." he'd say in his Aussie drawl " why don't we all hug?". I'm also become obsessed with hugging people.

    Until the age of 17, unless you happened to be my mum, I hugged nobody. Probably did, but cannot remember. I certainly never hugged anybody my own age. When I finally became sociable (god bless you alcohol) I hugged a few people. Mainly birthdays, New Years and special occasions of that.

    However, recently, I've hugged tons of people. Friends (both male and female - nowt wrong with a little male bonding in a rugged, manly kinda way), family and even random people. You name them and I have come upto them and thrown my spindly arms around. Any excuse to get a hug I'll use, with my drunken nights ending up with me shouting "Anybody want a hug?". Even my conversations with Cyn have resulted in me typing **hugs** - the internationally recognised symbol of cyber-hugging people - about a half dozen times.

    Hey, hugging is cool. Plus my years of practicing only hugging my mum have paid off - I'm getting a reputation of being "A nice hugger.". Okay, it's not the "Massive penis" or "Good shag" I'm looking for, but it's a start. Suppose even Ron Jeremy had to start somewhere:-

    "Hey. Welcome to Porno Recruitment Inc., what's your name?"
    "Ron Jeremy."
    "Well, have you had any experience?"
    "Not really, but my mum says that I'm a good hugger."
    "Very well, you're in."
    And the rest, they say, is history.

    Lighter Chocolate
    Slightly more expensive, darker but oh so more tastier addiction I have developed is for Maltesers. Now, ever since a kid, I've loved maltesers. It's a safe chocolate. Not to fattening, not too sugary, no nuts. My mum knows that even with presents of purple t-shirts may be a bit wide of the mark, buy me a box of the 'teasers and - despite the disgusting chewy one you are always guarenteed to get in every single packet - you can't go wrong.

    Or can you?

    You see, I've worked through one of the boxes I got a christmas, and halfway through a second one I acquired over Christmas (not as a present, as a prize in a raffle), and I cannot stop. Even now I'm reaching up onto my shelf, and fumbling around for the chocolate, bubbly balls to stuff in my mouth. I have managed to fit upto ten in my mouth at once, and swallow the lot (oh, we're still talking about Maltesers here, before anyboy gets any filthy ideas).

    Still, there are worse things to get addicted to.....errrmmm...anybody want a hug?

    Keep the faith


    Sunday, February 15, 2004

    I met her in a club down in old Soho, where they drink Champagne, and it tastes just like Cherry Cola. See-Oh-Ell-Ay Co-la. Co-Co-Co-Co-Co-la.
    You probably couldn't tell from the last post, but I actually really like Valentine's Day. I've had a pretty decent record of pulling on the St. for love's day. Also, I like anything which gives me an excuse for a piss up.

    What I was saying at the time: "The thing is, you never hear the Neville's getting into any trouble....oh shite."*.
    The day began at approximately midday, whereby I watched Manchester United dick all over the City (I'm sorry, but whenever a team is 3-0 up, and City score one, would the commentators stop saying 'Maybe, just maybe..'. It happened once, get over it), and Wales score their first win in the Six Nations, things were looking up. In fact, if I didn't do anything else that day, it'd be a great day. So, I tossed around the idea of going out, and I did.

    First and foremost, I would like to say that Lambrini is one of the world's greatest inventions. Basically, you can get a bottle for about 90p, and it gets you pretty steaming. Sure, it tastes like monkey piss, but it's cheaper yet classier than White Lightning, and I bloody hate that stuff. Anyway, I drank a whole bottle on my own (I'm so proud of myself) and was pretty wrecked heading out (I seem to remember playing my ringtone - all 46 polyphonic goodness of it - about a dozen times).

    After playing "I have never" for a good half hour - which was fucking hilarious as I now know some quality blackmailing material for a few people - we headed off to dance. The run I've been on at the moment, surely I'll pull, right?

    Alas not yet, I took a break from dancing to get my free tattoo.

    Now, whilst my mum recovers from her heart attack (she said she'd disown me if I ever got one), let me explain. It's not an AJ-stylee back covered inkjob, oh no. It's only a small Wales one on my shoulder.

    Oh that, and it's a henna one as well. So it'll disappear in a few days.

    That being said, I went to get it with a mate of mine, and he got 'I love Fanny' (Fanny being the pet name for his girlfriend - Francine) written across his forehead. He rang me this morning saying that - like Kenny from Phoenix Nights' Tiger face - it won't come off. Lovely!

    The tattoo took about half an hour (the henna artist kept stopping every two minutes to text her boyfriend), although that didn't bother me as it was done in the indie room - any club that plays Doves 'Pounding' is good for me - and as soon as it was done, I showed all my mates.

    Mmm....foot long hotdog.
    Finally, but most importantly, when I left Time Tunnel at around quarter past two in the morning, I met this lovely girl (I know her name, but I hate to name drop. But the clue's in the title) from London (would be so ironic if it was Soho). She seemed really quite a lot of fun, and had gorgeous eyes. So we shared a hotdog in a Lady & The Tramp or that Simpsons episode with that Mindy Simmons bird stylee (with onions - which was probably not the best idea ;)) and generally had a good 20 minutes in each other's company. I asked her for her number, but - unfortunately for me - she happened to be the only person in the western world who does not have a mobile.

    Well, that was what she told me. She also said that she'd always remember "Rhys from Melville Grove as the nice guy who bought her a hotdog. And been a gentleman enough not to make any stupid 'sausage' or 'buns' jokes"**.

    Which, truth be told, would mean more to me than a sappy pre-written drivel in a Valentine's Day card.

    Keep the faith.


    * At the time I was talking about how some teams (Chelsea and Leeds especially) have trouble keeping order with their players, and they get into a lot of trouble. I used the Neville brothers as a counter example. Then he got sent off.
    ** Which, for me, is a fucking achievement.

    Saturday, February 14, 2004

    We Are The Dateless Losers....
    A friend told me a story today, which I'd like to relate to you.

    There is a direct link to the special days that happen in the year and the acronyms relating to them. Don't believe me? Lets have a look at them:-

    December 25th - Christmas Day. Simple one this is. The acronym is 'CD'. Simple, most people get CD's for Christmas (last year I got two).

    December 31st - New Years Eve ('N.Y.E.'). Say it as a word. Nye sounds like 'Nigh'. New Years Eve has had more Judgement Day predictions than almost any day of the year, so therefore it was true when they say "The End of the World is Nigh."

    October 31st - Halloween. Okay, this is just a 'H'. However, if we call it by an alternative name "All Hallows'eve", we get the acronym "AH", which has been used in books, television and films a common expression of fear.

    November 5th - Bonfire Night. Bit tricky to spot this. 'BN' is the initials. However, BN is easy with a little bit of chemistry behind you. BN is short for Beryllium Nitrate, which is an explosive used in fireworks.

    April 1st - April Fools Day ('A.F.D.'). Again, another tricky one to spot. If you say it as a word you'll probably pronounce it "AFF-DEE", which sounds like "Crafty" - what you try to be on April Fools Day.

    Febuary 14th - Valentine's Day. It shortens to VD....

    Happy Valentine's Day.

    Keep the faith.


    Wednesday, February 11, 2004

    Note To Self: Brothers Know Too Much

    Compare your life to mine. Then kill yourself. says [me]:
    haven't you got school in the morning?
    80's Synthesizer says [brother]:
    haven't you got university in the morning?
    Compare your life to mine. Then kill yourself. says:


    Yes, today has been a day whereby my ego has been kept well and truly in check, and my ego destroyer thingy has had a couple of cheap digs to the ribs as well. Well, my brother outsmarted me, but I've seem to manage it quite well by myself.

    Enter for her blogging debut on this blog: "Boys Are Stupid Girl". Immediately, those who bowl for Liverpool will know exactly who I'm talking about, but those who don't, here's the jist. She is a lovely girl who I get on with better than most, although recently our usual intelligent conversations have been replaced with innoffensive but quite competitive flipping each other off contests. That's all you need to know.

    Also, you need to know the customary art of 'hanging' at bowling. Hanging occurs whereby two people on a three person lane get strikes. It is customary for the third person to then stand up on a chair, and everybody to point and laugh. I very rarely hang people, but I seem to remember hanging Jon a couple of weeks ago.

    With me so far? Good. At this point, the two people on BASGirl's (for short) lane had got strikes, and she didn't, meaning that she endured a hanging. Like a dignified sportsman, she got up on the chair, and prepare for chorouses of laughter. Being a bit of a ring leader for taking the piss, I stood in eyeshot of her and, in all my maturity, flipped her off. Twice.

    She responded by flipping me off, and then pointed at her t-shirt, which said "Boys Are Stupid". (Usually I'm not a fan of t-shirts with writing on, but this one fitted to a tee - no pun intended - to her, so I don't mind it). I objected to this:-

    "Yeah but I have an IQ of 135 (the arguement I've been using all day) I can assure you I'm not stupid."
    "Yeah but boys are stupid, you're a boy, therefore you're stupid."
    "But I'm not a boy....I'm a man."
    "You're still stupid."
    "Yeah least I'm not hung."

    I guess her t-shirt was right.

    In other news: Bowled 156 today, bit drunk, Man U lost as well.

    Keep the faith.


    Tuesday, February 10, 2004

    Out On The Razzle
    One of my mates has a theory: "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone". After the dissappointment of last Wednesday night, I decided to shift my pulling ability onto maximum tonight at Double Vision.

    Did it work?

    Did it fuck.

    No no. That's not saying I had a boss night. I did. Just didn't seal the deal. There was actually quite a lot of birds dancing around me at various parts of the night. However, none came upto me and said "Hi, I'm blah blah blah, I read your website, shag me rotten.". It truly is a sad day. However, the night was pretty good. Here are the highlights:-

  • Kidsymphony played. If you come here from Max's site, it needs no introduction. But they are a fairly decent small band who played a couple of songs. Unfortunately, the amount of alcohol has restricted the amount I remember of what they played. I do how remember that they were fantastic (to the best of my knowledge).
  • I also remember - when in the bogs - looking across at this random guy standing next to me. I say random, I knew him from last year. He was the pinnacle of fitness. He didn't drink, ate salad everyday and went to the gym a hell of alot. He is the god of sport, and got the perfect body.

    So why has he got a considerably smaller penis than yours truly?

    Actually, if I'm to be cocky, the amount of blokes in the loos that had smaller members than me is quite incredible. Sorry if I'm to walk about with my head (both on my shoulders and down below) held high, but it is true. Never thought that my little guy was anything above average, but now I know it is...well..bonus!

  • The other cool thing was this. One of my mates has a passion for the theatre, he loves it. I decided at the end of last year to go and see him perform in Bugsy Malone. Despite my reservations, it was fantastic. He saw a few of his Bugsy Malone mates out tonight. One was attractive, so I mate my move:-

    [Tapping her on the shoulder] "Hey"
    "You were in Bugsy Malone, weren't you?"
    [Startled] "Yeah! How did you know?"
    "I went to watch it. Primarily because a mate of mine was in it."
    "Oh yeah. And do you remember me in it?"
    "Of course. How could I forget?"
    "And what did you think of it?"
    "It was excellent. And that's coming from an actors point of view."
    "Really?! What have you done?"
    "Well. You know the Nactivity play?"
    "I was the back end of a camel."
    Conversation continued, but alas it wasn't meant to be, she dissappeared off into the world that actors live and whatnot.
  • Right, I'm pissed as I write this (apologies for any messed up words...), so I'm off to sleep off the hangover.

    Keep the faith.


    Friday, February 06, 2004

    What a Difference A Day Makes
    24 little hours. That's all. Yet, to avoid getting philosophical as much as possible, I've managed to cram a lot in the last 24 hours. Lets start at 10pm yesterday:-

  • 10pm: Out in the Varsity in Liverpool with my mates. Having a really good time after bird mentioned in previous post texted me asking if I was out tonight. Agreed meetup at 1am. Also finished watching the greatest comeback ever....
  • 11pm Thinking I may get laid, arrogence goes into overdrive, even more than usual. Buy mate a Tequila slammer.
  • 12pm Head to Medication. Queued outside for ages. Dance on stage, shout "lesbians!" at two birds kissing. Begs friend to take picture of lesbians for a small price. Queued for ages for a piss.
  • 1am Said goodbye to my mates saying "Lads and ladesses, I'd never thought I'd hear myself say these words, but I'm off to get laid."

    Oh, pride comes before a fall.

    Meet afformented bird. Fleeces me for two drinks in a shocking and desperate move that I would never do (honest). Then tells me she is "Not interested.". Leave and get a kebab.

  • 2am Head back to Medication, told anybody that listened about how "I'll never meet another like her". Have another kebab. Then get taxi.
  • 3am Play Radiohead CD's and surf the net. Complain to everybody that listened about how "I'll never meet another like her.". Slept then until midday.
  • 1pm Got up, had toast and bowl of cereal. Went to 3 hr lecture. Mate told me he had 12 gigs worth of porn - 3 times my hard drive. Hardly believe him unless I see the evidence. Go back home to meet my mum

  • Jordan: Only famous for two things. And you can see them both....
    7pm Watched Phoenix Nights season two all the way through. Can't get "We're on the way to Amarillo" out of my head.
  • 9pm Browsed the Internet whilst family watched "I'm a Celebrity...get me out of here!". Seriously, I must be only person in the country not addicted to it. I've only ever seen one episode (which was actually half decent, it was the episode that Johnny Rotten said "F**king C**ts" live on British TV. Brilliant. Anyway, set ringtone to "We're on the Way to Amarillo.", still can't get it out of my arsing head.
  • 10pm Have sandwhich and a wee, then go to bed.
  • As you can see, fairly eventful 24 hours there. Don't really want to elaborate on the events between 11pm and 2am, as I know that a few of my mates are sick of me going on about it. Plus I don't really like going on about things like that on my blog. I pride myself on not being a emo journal, just a bit of fun. Anyway, sure if you'll give me beer, I'll probably talk about it in more detail (with the word 'bitch' used heavily).

    Ah well. Her loss. Could of gone out with a blogging celebrity.

    BUI - Blogging Under Influence
    I'm considered to be fairly influential person. After all, Lauren says that the words "Arse" and "Bugger" are used in her daily speech now largely due to me. However I always though that the only influencing I did were people from the other side of the world.

    Now, that has changed.

    Enter Jon. Also known as 'Home Bargains' (from the dreaded TPB "Third Truck Rule"*) from the tagboard and comments. He has been following this website for ages, and thought "ooh, if that fat yet strangely attractive in a pletonic way Welshman can run an award nominated blog, then by god so can I (the awards in the post)". At the moment it's like Kate Moss - there's not much on it. However, drop in and give him words of encouragement (although he will never be as good as yours truly). I especially like the following paragraph:-

    "Why am I doing this? I suppose I was inspired by my buddy Rhys Wynne and his attempts at keeping the planet amused. As a result of these efforts, he is officially the most famous Rhys on the internet (Source:, January 2004). I suppose this shouldn't be an advert for the blog of someone funnier, more interesting and - goddamnit - far sexier than I'll ever be. I just haven't got anything interesting to say today."

    - Jon, Jay's Blog

    See, told you I was sexy. Even blokes with long time girlfriends, Championship Manager addiction and an abundance of stubble think so.

    Keep the faith


    * Third Truck Rule: When out and about, should any member of the bowling team not have a nickname, nickname shall be decided by what is advertised on the third truck that you pass on the motorway (in this case, it was a "Home Bargains" truck).

    Tuesday, February 03, 2004

    Dude, we were totally wasted last night!
    If last night was a film, it would be probably akin to "Dude, Where's My Car?" Except without the car, or the end of the world, or those german blokes, or those necklaces that made women's boobs grow. Okay, so it isn't anything like "Dude, Where's My Car?", but you get the jist. I just cannot remember much of last night.

    You can't seriously want to make ban alcohol, it tastes great, makes woman appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism....
    The awful thing is that I wasn't meant to go out last night. I headed to the Flute on London road dressed in trainers, jeans, denim jacket and a t-shirt. Not exactly pulling material I know. But we'll get onto that a bit later.

    That being said, I actually did have a quality night. Below are the best bits from what I can remember:-

  • Firstly and foremostly, I pulled, twice! I guess you don't really forget a thing like that. First time since August. One of them was nice enough to give me her number as well. Things are looking up!
  • I remember poo-pooing amost all songs last night. Ryan Adams' "So Alive" came on in the club at around 1am, and me going absolutely mental. After that, there were fleeting moments of songwriting genius (Queens of the Stone Age, Coral, Strokes and Franz Ferdinand all got played) but it was sandwiched inbetween crap (read Girls Aloud/Busted here). Alas, it broke my heart and my alcohol induced body proceeded to shout "This song is fucking wank!" at the DJ. Yet, the shite tunes continued. Now, I'm not a betting man (actually, that's bollocks, I actually am) but my guess that he didn't hear me.
  • One problem I had this morning was...well...this morning. My hangover was god awful. I awoke from my slumber at around 11 with a throbbing head (one on my shoulders, sicko) a thick stench of alcohol radiating from me and me looking rough. I made a trip to the bathroom where I made a startling observation.

    My floor was soaking, and I don't know what from.

    Didn't smell funny or owt, but it did shock me for a time, until I realised that I spilt my glass of water on my way to bed. Arse.

    Today I've been trying to piece together what was a brilliant night. Hopefully I didn't piss anybody off.

    Keep the faith


    Monday, February 02, 2004

    Ah. The Superbowl. For the Americans, it is the pinnacle of an exciting season of grid iron. For Brits, and the rest of the world probably, we fake an interest to hopefully catch a pretty fun half time show (which, this year, lets be honest, didn't fail to deliver - it were just like Bucks Fizz) before switching off at half four in the morning.

    And here's John Barnes attempting a field kick.
    For you yankenities out there reading this, don't worry, this won't turn into a beratement on your beautiful game.

    Yes, I didn't expect much when switching on just before midnight. John Barnes (yes, the ex-Liverpool proper football player) provided 'expert analysis' on both teams. Then the fireworks and Beyonce crooned the national anthem. Despite actually knowing half the rules of American Football (go 10 yards in 4 go's - god bless John Madden Football on the Megadrive), I didn't expect it to be worth watching. Sorry, but with all the flair and pagentry, might suggest hiding weakness in the actual product. It would be kind of like what it'd be if Vince McMahon rang me up and said "Here Rhys, we're going to debut you at Wrestlemania Main Event. You will not be seen before then, but we will introduce you with little videos every week. At the main event, there will be lights, pyro and mad music, then you'll appear! Oh, and don't do any training, we want you appear just as I am. Plus, you will pin HHH cleanly, the fans won't see it coming!*".

    So, with little reservations, I expected my tradional up-to beginning of second half viewing, even if I expected to switch it off before that - not really a huge fan of Janet or P Diddily. Bloody hip-hop.

    Kiss kiss, BANG BANG!!
    Truth be told, once I got around the terminology (I sniggered a lot when the commentators said "Oh my goodness! Lineback blah blah blah just got a sack. Sniggering and "no shit sherlock" followed), it was actually quite fun. Not a patch on the beautiful game (which, despite being a huge anti-Liverpool fan, by far the best game this weekend was the 0-0 Merseyside Derby), but fun nonetheless. I even decided to root for a team, Carolina, for the pure-and-simple reason that regular reader Lauren comes from that neck of the woods.

    At approximately 4 in the morning, after watching the New England Patriots produce a kick akin to Johnny Wilkinson to beat my 'beloved' Carolina Panthers, I am converted. Not going to be a big fan, but by god, it's a hell of a lot better than the "Rugby with stops and pads" I'd previously called it over at Madpony a few weeks ago.

    But, it's still a bit poofy compared to ruggers.

    Right, I've got work to do now, been doing sod all all weekend (except for sleeping off various hangovers), and should really do something.

    Well, I am a student, aren't I?

    Keep the faith.


    * Someone? Not a McMahon? Pin HHH cleanly? How unlikely is that?

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